Think Pretty Smart

In A Jiffy

Y'all, in my grocery shopping trip yesterday, the unthinkable happened.  So there I was at my favorite grocery store--after having gone to my other new semi-favorite food selling establishment.  I know the store pretty well.  I'm going up and down the aisle to get the few non-perishables I needed.  I had everything in my basket except for one thing.

Holiday Lull

Since y'all been half ass commenting and probably aren't even at work this week, I will bore you with a tale from my own life.  Telly and I are having Thanksgiving together.  The other day a certain blogger invited us over.  I got nervous at the though.  He and I have plans to go out with his friends AFTER dinner so I declined because of that.  If we didn't have plans, I still couldn't go because he doesn't know I blog.  He knows I read and have gone to events hosted by a blogger.  But he doesn't know her site. 

Change, Always

Another thing I don't quite get is when it's OK to change your spouse.  There has been a lot of talk on these innanets about a young woman whose husband screamed on her over and shirt, left, slept away from their homes for two nights, and started talking divorce.  There was a lot of advice on how to leave him/cover her ass and how to stay.  In all the comments I left on Monnie's and Ted's blogs I still have more to say.

Yeah, It's THEIR Fault

When I was younger, I was 'seeing' the worse dude ever.  Once he got me, the truth came out.  He was pretty much willing to screw any size 4, short chick, who was lighter than a paper bag.  (Please note, save for in the eyes of ATLiens, I am NOT lighter than a paper bag.)  How'd I find out??  A friend put me on to some things he was doing.  Instead of dealing with the allegation, he attacked the messenger.  He told me that if my friend was really a friend, she would care about my feelings and wouldn't have told me.  He went on to tell me that the only reason she was telling me was because she was evil and single. 

Too Tired

I went out with friends last night and was too tired to write and schedule anything.  But I wanted to put y'all onto Tropicana-Trop 50!  It's perfect.  At first I thought it tasted watered down.  Then I ate an orange and realized the 'regular' orange juice is TOO sweet and almost over-powering.

Getting to the Root

I really have NOTHING for y'all today. 

BUT...

Taken

Jack had been saying for months that he wanted a pretty, international minded woman who was smart, yadda, yadda, yadda.  Jack goes out with his friends Phil and Steve.  They're at the event.  Steve leans over and tells Phil that a woman is checking him out.  He pays no mind and goes about his business.  Later in the evening, Jack ends up speaking to the woman, Nora, at length.  She was all that Phil was looking for--in his mind.  The conversation was going great.  Phil and Steve walk up.  Nora turns her attentions to Phil.  Phil and her exchange information and shortly become an item.

First Thing

When asked if I am a woman or Black first, I go with Black because my mother is Black.  When she was pregnant, everyone knew she'd have a Black child but without science, nobody could be more than 50% sure of the baby's sex.  But that logic doesn't work with people whose mother is something other than Black.  So maybe I'll just take the easy route and start answering that the two are so woven together that I can't put one above the other.  Maybe.  Check back with me next month.

If I were asked if I am a Christian or an America first, I believe I'd have to go with Christian.  But, I'm never asked that question.  It's not even one of those questions someone poses for the sake of discussion. 

But This Is OK

I really haven't written much about Ri-Ri and Chris.  It's been done and done-er.  But I think there's another type of abuse that is accepted and damn near expected in the Black community.  Black women have been given a pass at being verbally aggressive to their mates, children, and cashier at the CVS.  And men are expected to take it.  They can't win.  Even if they just verbally abuse her back, he's still seen as the bad guy.

Pick Em

An associate and I got into a discussion about whose choice is hardest and most important when picking a mate:  the man's choice of wife or the woman's choice of husband.  I'll present to you some of the points that came up and y'all tell me how you feel.  M'kay?

Corner Office Doing What She Wants

My little cousin just got a job offer.  She feels she'd really fit in at the place.  But she also got a second interview for a job paying WAY more money.  She's going on that second interview and I know if she gets it, she's probably going to look to the elder people in her life to help guide her decision.

I Don't Have Kids

See, I don't have kids but several of my friends do.  With the exception of two dudes, they are all married.  One of the dude has full custody and the other one, well, whatever.  We aren't close anymore for various reasons.  But that's a whole 'nother post. 

Any Obama Church Fans...Yet??

I'll admit up front that I haven't seen the inside of a church in more than a minute.  Not too much a fan of the organized religion.  Sure, I believe in God and maybe even Heaven and Hell.  Even got my own Bible laying around the house.  But I have so much trouble suspending all common sense and following someone else's interpretation of the Bible.  To be honest, the Bible reads like a fairy tale to me.  It's like, if all of humanity was destroyed except a small group, they could find a copy of the Bible and a Harry Potter book and not know which one is a religious text.  But that's just me.  Please refrain from trying to save my soul in the comments section.  Simply pray for me in private.  Thanks!

Wasting Space

Once upon a time, there was a boy who was really good in school.  The time had come where all of his classmates were preparing to take their SAT's and ACT's and send off college applications.  His counselor noticed that he wasn't doing any of that.  The counselor called him into the office and asked why.  The boy said that his dad told him he had no reason to go to college.  Shocked, the counselor called his dad to investigate.  When he couldn't get the dad on the phone, he decided to make a home visit.

Mash Up

This is sort of a mash-up of my thoughts after yesterday's discussion and something I wrote a while ago.

Onto the post...

One day A long time ago, I was listening to a morning radio program.  The question was posed about why women like to deal with assholes.  One of the chicks said it's because women think they are going to change the man into acting right.  I buy that.  But I think that only accounts for 50% of it.  I've dealt with my share of asses.  They never start out being that way.  It always started out with them being the pursuer.  I never felt like I was trying to train them into acting right.  However, I would get caught up in wondering why, all of a sudden, they just decided to NOT act right.  Took me some years to realize the only acting they were doing was when they were 'acting right'.  Their whole sales pitch was the act.  The unsatisfactory way they were behaving was them just being themselves.  This would account for the remaining 50%.

Angela & Marcus

We all know what happened with Ross and Rachel, with Winnie and Kevin, and with Luke and Laura.  But what happened with Angela and Marcus?  Yesterday, Monnie wrote about how Angela handled their break-up well.  She rolled out when she realized Marcus was still stuck on Robin's character--whose name escapes me now.

But in the end, what would have happened??

THE Ex

There I was at the HU Homecoming game.  All bedazzled and stuff like I do.  We had incredible seats--which seems to be a recurring theme lately.  Anyhow, we all agreed that the kids today don't know how to Do-IT-Do-IT-DO-IT!!!  There were all so subdued at the game and the 'wide age range' party on Friday night.  But my posse, we got out dance on. 

Thank U Thank U Thank U

Thanks for coming over.  I've been doing too much lately so you probably won't get a post today.  My bad.  But since you're here, feel free to suggest topics or ask questions via the comments or email. 

Still??

The other day Monnie asked some questions about how a spouse interacts with his ex.  Does he go to lunch with her then tell you about it later or does he tell you about it and go anyway after you told him you weren't comfy with it?  Those are both kinda sucky. And typically, when dealing with ex's someone gets the short end of the stick.

John and Stacey were together a decade ago.  They were each others first loves.  Through the years they did more than keep in touch. 

#HowardHomecoming2009*

Look!  I'm not even gonna hold y'all up.  I'm about to get my party on.  Translation:  Go early, party til 11:30, or when it feels like it, whichever comes first.  Translation:  I'll probably go really hard til about 11:30 pm.  I might be out of pocket today.  But while I'm gone...

Channel Three

Mine and the generation before me watched a decent amount of television.  And if we thought adult life would be anything like we saw on TV, we were wrong, for the most part.  On TV, we were led to believe that if we worked hard, as a waitress, trash collector, or free lance writer, we could afford a spacious home in the burbs or hot section of the city, two cars, etc.  

Sometimes I Forget

I was talking to the maternal unit and if y'all don't know, she something of a passive-aggressive racist.  So she was going on and on about Black people marrying white people--marrying Hispanics is OK.  Wait, it's also OK if the white person is Italian.  Anyway, after I got frustrated and gave up on trying to convince her that there's no race riot bubbling under the surface in my neighborhood or anywhere that I hang out, something occurred to me.  Her ass is old.  And based on her experiences, it may be difficult for her to understand that in my world, Black folks and white folks are civil and actually socialize with each other. 

The Platters (1956)

Me:  I like camping...Well actually, all of that outdoorsy stuff.

Him:  Me too but I'm surprised you like doing that kind of stuff.

Me:  *He's lying.  He's never camped.  I bet he wasn't ever a boy scout.*

I once dated this one particular man who thought I hung the moon.  Hung it, lit it up!  All he wanted from me was...Nothing...An occasional smile.  I liked the way he treated me.  The consistent thoughtfulness, the attentiveness, the adoration.  In exchange, I was willing to pretend I cared about his hobbies.  I was willing to spend the required two nights a week with him or with him and his friends.  I was willing to act like I cared if a woman's name appeared on his phones caller ID after 10 on a Friday night. 

Tighten Up

A few weeks ago, Oprah did a show with a 60's theme.  During the show, she said how she actually had on one of the real girdles and how uncomfortable it felt.  That aside, she looked great.  I'm about to offend some folks but I'ont care.  I've seen enough shiny dresses with obvious dimples in the thighs and major guts!  Proper underpinnings are your friend.  There's a little buzz about a certain serious undergarment that's supposed to take off two sizes.  Does it work??  Yes.  Is it comfy?  Yes.  Does it just push the fat elsewhere?  Nope.  How do I know?  Cus I have been up on it since they first started being sold in the states.  Thanks to a certain blogger whose name I won't reveal.  It actually lifts everything.  And on days where I'm wearing certain fabrics, you won't catch me NOT wearing my good underpinnings!

Second Post: Uniforms and Respect

This is my second post of the day.  I was over on VSB.com discussing the Morehouse dress code.  Tell me if I'm off the mark on this:

I wonder some of the backlash is a result of the people not wanting these boys, many of which have been accused of 'acting white' because they were smart, to also 'dress white'.  They don't get to express themselves through their clothing.  Translation:  They don't get to keep it real.  Translation:  They don't get to dress Black...and we all know Black means ghetto/hood.

Come Together

You know the family is the solution to the world's problems today
Now let's take a look at the family
In the family the father is like the head, the leader, the director
Not domineering, but showing love, guidance
For everyone else in the family
Now if we could get all the fathers of the world
To stand up and be fathers
That would be great
Then we have mothers
Who are the right arm of the father
There's supposed to-to-to do the cooking
Raise the children, do the sewing
And help the father to guide and direct
Then there's the son
The son, most sons are like imitators of their father
So we're back again to the father
And he is guiding in the right way
The son is definitely gonna be alright
Then we have the daughter
Watching her mother
Be-because sooner or later she's gonna be a mother
And she'll have her own sons and daughters
It don't, it don't just stop there with the family or
Of-of yours or mine
It's a universal family
Under one divine purpose
And one divine father
That is if we all come together no matter what color, race, creed
Because that's all in the head whether you wanna believe it or not
'Cause you'll bleed

Hoo...
Family, family reunion

It'll be nice, so nice, so nice

Taken from The O'Jays Family Reunion

101

Anyone who isn't living under a rock knows we're going through some serious debate about health care.  What's right?  Who should pay for it?  Who should be covered?  Who's going to sit on the death panels?  But I, along with Bill Maher, believe the debate should start someplace way before we get to the doctors.  It should start in the kitchen.  It should start on the farms.  It should start with high-fructose corn syrup and all of it's ugly, yet tasty, cousins.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I have a nasty high-fructose corn syrup addiction.  It just be callin' me...Like crack did to Pookie.  Sure we could legislate the corn industry making it difficult to make the syrup.  The debate should start with the food we eat. 

And Upward

As I'm looking for a job--yes, I am--I've been told about all sorts of wonderful ways to spruce up my resume to make me look way more (or less) qualified than I actually am.  Does everyone tell the truth on their resume?  Is everyone as qualified as they seem to be in interviews??  I don't think so.  This is the TET.  People are jobless and some are desperate.  What is exactly too much to do to get the job.  Apparently, googling the interviewers isn't too much cus it's worked for me and damn near everyone else I know.  I also cyber stalk the company, board of directors, and anyone else I can find. 

What is too much to do to move up in a company once you get the position?  I know working hard really isn't the key.  Those people who work long hours and take on extra assignments typically get minimal advancement and only get it after the top schmoozers have been rewarded. 

Is it also wrong to use your natural gifts to get a job or move up?  I think this only became an issue as more women enter the workforce with career goals instead of 'snag-a-husband' goals.  Somewhere before Ally McBeal, it was wrong for women to obviously use their sexuality to gain favor.  But clearly, the short skirts of the 90's were nothing more than a veiled attempt to legitimatize 'using what you got to get what you want' in the workplace.  Cus you can't tell me a woman with a mid-thigh skirt won't get a deal closed as quick or quicker than a chubby, balding man. 

Short skirts were OK.  But sleeping your way into a better position was still wrong.  Humh... Say we have three people who are equally qualified for the promotion.  One is a man who has a family.  The other two are women.  The boss (person making the promotion decision) is a man.  He is attracted to one of those women.  He hits on her.  She responds favorably.  She gets the job.  Is he wrong for giving her the job since she was qualified?  Would people be more comfortable if he slept with her but she didn't get the job?  Would people be more comfortable if he gave all three candidates the opportunity to sleep with him?  Would people be more comfortable if the boss waited until after the promotion was given to her then hit on her?

Point is, exactly how is sleeping with someone to get a promotion, for which you are qualified wrong??  Particularly if you don't view sex as something special? 

Disclaimer:  I have not, nor do I ever plan to sleep my way into a promotion.

Charge By the Pound

I feel some kind of way about the whole health care debate.  I have a re-existing condition and have been denied insurance before. I'm on the cusp of being diagnosed with yet another condition.  So it will only get worse.  Honestly, I didn't really get the seriousness of it until I got denied. 

I'm also on some expensive medication.  I didn't get the seriousness of that until I had to start paying for it myself.  Cus you know, there was a time when I didn't have insurance.  At that point, I'd tried but it was so expensive, that it was cheaper to not have it.  Or better yet, it was more affordable for me to get it during the one time a year where I have to get the super expensive tests that allow my doctors to keep an eye on my condition. 

Anyhow, I'm fully insured now. 

Well, as I'm getting denied and then having to pay more once I do get insurance, I'm torn about whether other things should be considered pre-existing conditions.  Particularly people who are living lives that are causing them to cost insurance companies more. 

If Obama doesn't get his way with health care, particularly the whole pre-existing conditions piece, I wouldn't be mad if people who have self-inflicted conditions are charged more too.  Why should I have to pay damn near $400 a month for some shyt I had no control over when obese people are paying low-low prices?  Smokers are in this group too.  Either they get off the nicotine or pay more for insurance. But then, I think larger sized clothes should cost more so maybe I'm off the mark on this.  Whatch'all think?

Ready, Set, Ho

I'm sitting here catching up on this week's episode of Cougar Town.  This chick is about to have chex with a dude and she has pulled out all sorts of crazy preparation stops.  I don't get this.  I've never known a man to turn down chex because a chick's nails are chipped, her bikini isn't waxed, etc.  I'm sure it happens.  Probably like dutch dates and threesomes.  They happen, but I just don't know whose doing those things.

Normal Curve of Stress

"Education is a modern day sharecropping.  A BA is worthless, so you gotta keep getting/spending more, deferring family...I support poverty, poor people know how to live.  They probably have much less stress than those of us who think we've excelled and more time to be with those they love."

Ames, 2005

When I think of education being important in rising out of poverty, I think more in terms of what education exposes a person to.  Not just the books and classes.  When I think of education, I think of the boys my friend used to mentor who'd never rode an escalator, I think of exposure!!!  Does one have to go in debt to get education??  Not always.  But so what if you do!!!

As most know, I have a couple degrees.  It's always shocking to people when I readily share that I got the first because I wanted to get out of Detroit but I knew I couldn't up and move with no purpose and no loot.  Enter college.  Plus, in the schools I went to, college was a no-brainer.  I got the second degree because I didn't want a real job.  So at 23 I had two degrees and looked like a real go-getter.  The third degree I got because my guy and I broke up and I needed something constructive to do with my spare time.  But to those who didn't know me, I looked like somewhere in my youth, I'd mapped my life out and getting these degrees was all apart of my grand scheme.  Suckers!!! 

While I was in school in my 20's, I knew there were people out there my age working.  I also knew that those years they spent working might mean that when I did eventually enter the work place, they might be making as much as me.  Did I care??  No.  I wouldn't trade the experience of college for the world.  For me, all that fancy book learning was just a vehicle to learn about so much else.  I'm not saying that learning couldn't have been gotten elsewhere, but I think it would have been harder.  In college, learning about self and other people, from day-to-day interactions, was encouraged.  At least at HU it was. 

And the poor?  Believe it or not, I have been poor.  I have been around poor.  And while it's true that they do not have the same issues we have, they have an even bigger one:  day-to-day survival.  They might not be worried about paying their visa bill or making sure their child gets into the right pre-school, but just because their issues are different, it doesn't make them happier than the not-so-poor or the educated.  Poverty is no joke.  If we just focused just on the health issues affecting the poor, any statistic you read will show that poverty is just bad for your health!!!!!!!

I think it's a hugely incorrect assumption that they have less stress.  How many poor people live in dangerous neighborhoods?  You think every mother doesn't worry about her kids crossing the street and getting shot by a stray bullet??  You think she doesn't worry that rats might bite her children as they sleep??  You think she doesn't worry that after 60 months of welfare, she's getting thrown off??  And the only thing she knows is that she's not prepared.  She's afraid of what might happen if her boyfriend, who may or may not be a drug dealer, decides to sponsor another family after she loses her food stamps and Section 8 housing.  Sure she sits back and pretends she has it all figured out.  But she doesn't.  Having said that, I think she has the best chance of spending quality time with her family. 

And what about the working poor??  Their lives are stressful as hell.  They have to worry about not getting sick because they don't have health insurance.  Most of these people really do want more.  Who really wants to live check-to-check??  They might pretend to look like they're sure of themselves.  But they aren't.  Plus, if they are working poor, it's more likely that they have more than one job.  Therefore, they have less time to spend with their loved ones. 

And what about the hustlers??  They have stress because of the violence that goes along with what they do.  They have stress because they're constantly trying not to get caught, constantly trying to think of new ways to 'come up' while keeping with their current 'grind'.  Sure they live a flossy lifestyle but they spend a considerable amount of time trying to work the kink of out their necks, from all that looking over their shoulder.  Contrary to what Sugar Hill and New Jack City would lead you to believe, hustling is a full-time job that doesn't leave much time for family picnics.  Those people are always 'on call' and the smart ones don't want their business associates to know where they rest their heads.  AS a result, they too spend less time with their families. 

Stress if part of life.  And depending on who you are, what you do, where you are, your stress may be different. But it's stress nonetheless.

We Haul

I’ve had a few conversations where I said I’d most certainly move for my husband or fiancee. In the last few days though, this whole moving for a partner thing has been everywhere.

At this point in my life, would I really move? The answer is still yes–so long as it was for the good of a relationship with a fiancee or husband. I’ve never had any problems getting jobs when I'm aggressively looking (knock on wood). And if we were moving for his job, he’d know that he’s responsible for maintaining my working-girl lifestyle until I get settled.

I wonder if any of the previous Manfriends would move for me–I mean if we were engaged or married. Nerp. Why? Because they’ve all been rather traditional fellas. When I first got offered the new job, they were talks of me needing to spend an entire month away. I told Manfriend (at the time) then held my breath. I was sure he was going to say something about how this might affect our relationship. Why would I think this?? He’s a rational, supportive man. Not at all like an ex I had who, after I’d gone to a new employee training for one week, demanded that I start looking for a new job because I was away too long. Needless to say, he didn’t last long at all!!! But Manfriend said, “It won’t be that bad. And you can come home one weekends. Plus, imagine how much money you will save.”

What about women who move to follow a man but that man didn’t ask them to move?? I know a chick who did that. She followed a man here to the DC area. He’s long gone and she’s still here. And I always thought the reason he treated her shabbily is because he never asked her to come. Would I move for a manfriend? Tuff one. I know I’ve said I don’t do the shacking up. But, if a man asked me to move for him, I can’t see me doing it on my dime. I can’t see a man getting me to uproot myself and move to live anywhere other than his spot. So then, I guess I wouldn’t move for someone who is only a manfriend. And might even be offended if he stepped to me on some, “Ms. Smart, you should move here with me…We can go apartment/house hunting for you so you can have a place to stay when you get here…If you start saving now, you can afford the best movers to move your stuff.” I’d be like, “Huh?? You want me to move, find my own place, and foot the bill, all so your ass won’t be lonely?? Die. Just die right here.” *exit stage left*

On a radio show, a lot of women said that in their youth, they’d move. But now? Notsomuch! I wonder if it’s because they have been hurt and are jaded or if they have a better handle on setting limits in their relationships. What do y’all think?? Men, would you ask a woman who your weren’t at least engaged to, to move to a new city to be with you?? Would you expect her to live with you?? Would you pay for the move?? How about a portion?? Women, would you move?? What if it’s just a serious boyfriend??

Still Here

Yes, people, I'm still alive.  Even though I haven't updated here, Twitter, or on FB, I'm still alive.

Bentley or the Bus

Men want women to love them if they are in a Bent-lee or on the bus, right??  But do they realize how different they are when they sit at either ends of the spectrum?  Do they realize that while they are complaining about women being pretentious, they are shaking their luxury car keys in the hands doing some I-got-loot Morse Code??  At the same time, for all of the talk women have about men being shallow, those same women go out of their homes dressed for men.  Comfort be damned.  

So why all the fronting??  We all need to just tell the damned truth. 

Speaking of fronting...Whitney Houston needs to just tell the damned truth.  Like so many, I watched her interview with Oprah.  I feel asleep and caught up later.  Bottom line, the whole interview could have been summed up real simple.  "I love(d) Bobby and he love(d) me.  But we got high.  We were addicted and when you're addicted nothing else matters.  Naw, Oprah singing didn't matter.  Getting high did."  Oh and I'm quite high on prescription pills right now.  The end.

I had a SO who'd come home everyday and tell me how he did at work.  He also had a crazy spreadsheet (and other software that he didn't trust as much) he used to plan our financial lives.  He was on point.  And at any given moment, he could rattle off his life plan and how he was coming along on the benchmarks to get to those goals.  These were his Bent-lee years.

We broke up.

He had some dips and turns in his life.  We weren't together but we were in contact.  He kept fronting like he wasn't stressed all the while his behaviors screamed 'STRESSED'.  He changed and the way I responded to him, as a friend, changed.  He was harsher.  He was more prone to bursts of frustration over things that, during the Bent-lee years, would be water under the bridge.  These were the bus years.

Now he's back on top and he's the guy I knew way back when.  As a result, I respond to him differently than I did during the bus phase of his life.  He thinks it's about the 'stuff'.  And when I give him specific examples of how he changed during his bus phase, he pish-poshed me. 

So we BOTH changed but I maintain that my changes were as a result of his changing.  See, my changes were all about response.  His were initiatory. 

I've noticed that even though men say they want us to love them no matter their status, what I don't think they realize is that part of the problem is that THEY CHANGE.  And for good reason.  For a lot of men, their accomplishments fuel their egos which fuel how they show their asses act.  And when they lose the things that define them, they become a certain way, different--if they don't pay attention.  So, when the men are different, the women are going to respond to this new version of them. 

Am I off base on this?

Wu Gem

Me via text:  Good morning.  Never mind about going next weekend so don't adjust your appts.

He read:  Eff you and your life.  You aren't going no damned where with me and I hope you die.

Say Please

One night I was out with a suitor.  Because of how the restaurant was set up, we were both sitting on the same side of the table.  Across from him was a spare place setting.  There was a table of about twelve women at a table on his side.  The chick at the end of the table looked over at our table and grabbed the place setting.  She never said a word.  No please, thank you, of eff y'all.  I wasn't pleased.  I hate rude hoes.  It doesn't matter what happened next.  The point was that this chick didn't ask.  We would've gladly given her the spare setting.  But she didn't ask.  I could go on about the reasons why but that would be a waste of keystrokes.

One Key

I don't have time to do a long post, but here's something I still think about.

Tookie Williams.  One day during my commute, it was all over the radio--even the white stations who normally ignore any news where a Black person is the star.  "Today Tookie's lawyer speaks to the govenor."  Sure he's on death row, and not in the musical sense.  This fool is about to catch a hot injection.  And now his lawyer wants it reversed.  Humh.  Let's see. He started one of the worse gangs ever.  That's death row worthy.  He was convicted of killing four people.  Also death row worthy.  Although he says he didn't do it.  And he's a Black man.  So you know THAT'S death row worthy. 

While in jail, Tookie seems to have turned his life around.  He wrote some books for the babies.  Not so death row worthy.  He also went straight anti-gangs.  Not death row worthy either.  Even speaks out against gangs.  Jamie Foxx portrayed him in a movie.  That has to count for something right??  I mean Jamie is the man right?

In the general sense, if everything was equal in this country, I'd be passing out the death penalty like free cheese in the Reagan years.  But it's not.  It's disproportionately dished out to minorities, especially poor minorities.  And for that reason, I can't stand behind the death penalty for ANYONE!  Especially a cat who has changed his life around.  Thoughts?

Gladly

Note:  This is not about Babs or anyone on her site.  But her entry got me to thinking. 

Yesterday I read something over on Babs' site that reminded me of a conversation I had with my little sister.  Basically, a man pointed out that if one woman wouldn't iron his shirts there was another who would.  Most of the comments reflected a general kiss-my-ass tone.  I left the following comment:

Run Flats

Help me with this one.  Dude and Lady are a newly formed couple that's getting along famously.  All signs are good.  Both parties have been cautious and they haven't rushed into spending all their free time together or having the chex.  One day, Dude tells Lady that he walked out of his home to find two of his tires flat.  He goes on to say he ended up seeing nails in his two back tires.  Lady doesn't say much.  Just listens.

For the Love of Research

If you watched Dr. Oz last week, you probably saw the show about things that shorten our lives.  One of the things he mentioned was Nonylphenol Ethoxydates (NPE).  It's a chemical in detergents and has been linked to the feminization of fish. Chew on that for a minute.  If that is what it's doing to our fish, imagine what it's doing to our kids after generations of using NPE.

Yes, I know where some minds are going and mine went there too.  But will we ever know for sure??  Nope.  We may as well stop debating why people are gay.  We won't ever come to an agreement and there will never be real research about any biological factors.  Why?  Because it's not politically correct to say being gay is a genetic thing because saying so would mean we could make a pill to stop it or test for it in the womb--except when it's convenient to say it's genetic.  And it's not politically correct for any parent to admit they would have 'thoughts' about carrying a gay baby to term.  

So people, should we (and by 'we' I mean 'people way smarter than me') do research to determine if homosexuality is something genetic caused by chemicals?

Really?

I think some men get to the point where they just don't want to bother dating anymore.  I think these are the single men who spend ridiculous amounts of time with work or hobbies because they don't have anything or anyone to come home to.  I think most times, they look to the left, then to the right and marry the chick that comes along next.  It's usually the wrong chick but at least he has something to come home to.  

Theoretically, there's nothing wrong with this if they do their due diligence and make a thoughtful selection.  And I always thought the marriages would work out better when the man definitely wants to be married as opposed to feeling like they owe it to the woman they've been with.

Therefore, you can't tell me men who want to get married can't.  If they are smart, they determine their needs and find a woman who they believe will meet those needs.  Once they find her, they make it easy for her to like him.  How do I know?  I'm pretty sure I'm that 'chick' and I don't know exactly how I feel about it. 

So here's the story of Telly.  I met him through mutual friends.  He wasn't exactly someone I would normally date.  But dating the ones I'd normally date hadn't really gotten me very far.  So I decided to respond to his enthusiasm.  He was nice enough.  He was thoughtful, smart, etc. etc. etc.  Most of all, he made things easy.

On our third date we ended up running into some of Telly's friends.  There was a point in the evening where the three women were together and the guys were some place else.  One of the wives said her guy wasn't much to look at but he took great care of her and her kids from her previous marriage.  Then she got really serious.  She turned to me and asked if I wanted to get married.  Before I was able to answer she told me that Telly did want to get married and that if I didn't I might want to stop dating him. 

For those that know me in real life, you can imagine I was stunned.  Who the hell did she think she was telling me what I need to do.  I didn't show my ass but I tucked that into my mental roladex.  This hoe was one of those funny ones who knew what was best for everyone around her. 

So when he came out and said he wanted me to be his wife, I wasn't exactly shocked. 

My first inclination was to turn it into a joke and tell him I was free on Thursday and that we could go to VA and make it official.  Y'all do know there's no waiting period or blood tests in VA, right??  But I stopped short of making the joke. 

And what can a girl say after that??  Not much.  I knew it wasn't serious--more like an announcement of intent, possibly said to gauge my reaction.  But for the very first time, I thought it wasn't such a bad idea to marry someone based solely on shared beliefs because they were looking for a wife and I just happened to meet him at that time--especially if he just makes it all so easy. 

Just one day before he said this shyt made his intentions known, a friend and I joked about how it probably would be easy to get engaged and married in the next year if things kept being easy with Telly and the guy she's seeing.  That whole discussion was theoretical and tainted by the strong pour by a bartender named Jack.  I absolutely see how I could get got a man could be successful in getting a wife this way.  

Y'all know I'm not one of those chicks who says every dude she's known for a week is 'the one' so you don't have to worry about me getting married next Tuesday or any dumb shyt like that.  Plus, I've been looking for signs of crazy and I don't see any...yet.  But, it will be very interesting to see how this all plays out.  Won't it??

Why Should I Care??

Wednesday, my innanets went out.  This isn't odd at all, as C.omcast has a tendency to suck.  But wait, it went out two days prior and I was able to call them, some very sweet lady did a whop-dee-doo, and it was fixed.  So when it went out on Wednesday, I called thinking it would be a simple fix.  The help desk dude told me there was nothing he could do because they were not seeing my modem online--whatever that meant.  Humh.  Seemed hokey to me.  So he set me up for a technician to come out Thursday morning--at the asscrack of dawn.

I spent the evening out with a suitor, but when I got back home, I wanted my innanets, dammit!  So I played around with my modem.  Did you know that the modem has a battery??  Part of resetting the modem is to cut the power.  Sooo, when the automated resetting system told me to unplug the modem from the power source, they didn't tell me to remove the battery too.  Last night, I removed the batter AND unplugged it for a spell.  And guess what, it worked when I reinstalled the battery and plugged it back up.

I had a decision to make.  Do I let the Comc.ast people come out here, knowing the problem had already been fixed?  Do I call them and cancel the appointment?  It didn't take long for me to come up with an answer.  See, Co.mcast and I have had a rocky relationship.  I've often wondered if they respect me or our relationship.  Admittedly even though our relationship has never been perfect, I stick it out with them.  Maybe I'm afraid of change.  Maybe I don't believe the grass is greener on the other (FiO.S) side. 

Having said all that, based on our history, I decided, eff it, let em come.  They've kinda treated me crappy so I don't feel like I need to be the better person and treat them kindly.  And this is my new found (in the last few years) philosophy on relationships.

Recently, I found myself in a conversation about what happened between The Cool and I.  At first, I was going to tell the mutual friends who introduced us that we had 'creative differences'.  But as I stood there, trying to decide if they were prying or really concerned, I decided to let the flood gates open and let out every truth.  Why?  Because I didn't owe it to him to be the bigger person.  I didn't owe it to him to let them believe that his behavior had been in line with their opinions of him--opinions which were the basis of the introduction.

The deciding factor was that he'd asked me to do 'something' relationship related.  I agreed, but when the shoe was on the other foot, he did not do the very 'something' he'd asked me to do.  Humh.  Unfair? Selfish?  And when I called him on it, he admitted to not playing fair but didn't apologize.  And this was only the tip of the iceberg when I think back on the whole life of the relationship interaction.

Some will say I acted out of bitterness or anger to Co.mcast and The Cool.  But from where I sit, I just followed the golden rule.  They set the standard of treatment and I dutifully followed their leads.  And naw, I don't feel, in no kinda way, bad about it.  What is so wrong about treating people EXACTLY as they have treated you??  Why do women always want to be the bigger person?  Ladies, we don't get points for being nice once water is under the bridge.  In the real world, we don't actually get points for being the bigger person.  We get points for being the WINNER.  Not to say that relationships are about winning. 

I'm not saying I go out of my way to treat them the way they treat me.  But if it's a choice between me listing a finger to treat them better than they've treated me, I'm not going to do it--unless is directly benefits me.  Yep, I said it. 

Am I afraid of karma?  No because I'm not being malicious.  I don't go starting off disregarding other people or Comc.ast's BS customer service staff.  I'm simply looking out for myself by following their examples.  They have been taught to treat people the way they want to be treated.  If they're doing that, I'm the one to treat them exactly as they want to be treated.     

When the Comc.ast dude knocked on my door, I took my time answering, cracked the door open, and said, "I fixed it myself.  Thanks though."  I treated them the same damned way they treated me!  Hell!

Which brings me to the absolute GEM from iHustleNetwork.com.  Yes, it's safe for work.

Creeping In

It came up on date one.  It came up on date two.  And between date two and date three, the shyt came up again!  Now look, I am not one of those women who sit down at the first date and tell a man my entire life story.  First, who the hell is he to know all that about me?  Second, that's just creepy.  Third, if I tell his ass everything, will there be a need for a date two?  I don't let strange men into my house or my life all willy-nilly.

*flashback wavy lines*

I met this guy on a Saturday.  He called me the next day.  Before I could call him back, he called me again asking me out for an early dinner.  I agreed.  He'd seemed nice enough when I met him (through a mutual friend).  First date went remarkably well.  About 15 minutes into it, I was already agreeing to a second date a couple days later.  On this first date, he casually asked if I was on FB.  I quickly said yes, but was sure he'd never find me since he couldn't possibly know the real spelling of my name.  And, I thought it wouldn't come up again.

On the second date, which I must say didn't go as well, he mentioned FB again.  "Sheesh, didn't you get the hint?  I'm not tryna friend you.  I'm already having logistic issues with the fact that my mother has realized my brother can see things she can't.  I don't need to add additional levels of suitor management to my account."  OK, that's what I was thinking, not what I said.

If you're wondering why the second date wasn't as good as the first one, I didn't know.  I thought it was a personality quirk but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  So I agreed to go out with him on a third.  Nothing was technically wrong with the dude.

Nothing until, between dates two and three I got the dreaded FB friend request.  *le sigh*  Why, if I wasn't giving up the details on the first two dates, would this man try to gain access to me through FB?  He knew I was interviewing other candidates dating other people.  Did he think he would get a glimpse at the competition??  

See, I thought he wouldn't be able to find me.  But I forgot we have a mutual friend.  He must've gone to her page and scrolled until he saw my pic--which shows a certain level of dedication I would admire if this was in a professional setting.  Our mutual friend has HUNDREDS of friends so SMART isn't exactly at the start of the list.  

I had two choices, ignore his request and leave him in FB limbo with the other 20 or so people I don't want on my friend list OR I could friend him and hope for the best.  Since I was slated to go out on date three with him, I friended him.  To say things ended ugly would be an understatement.  Things ended alright...

Then as if THAT wasn't enough, the same day I received  <--Erased because I realize the person I was about to talk bad about reads the blog.

Look, if I'm dating someone, I'm not really trying to get into their e-business¹.  Once we are together, sure, I'll be your friend.  Don't expect me to change my relationship status and let the world know we're together by linking to you.  Not gonna happen BOO!!  It's not that I have anything to hide.  Having suitors be my friend on FB is allowing them to read my wall.  Reading my wall is allowing them to see conversations I have with my real friends.  And this is why I don't like FB friending suitors!

1.  Except to find out if they have a criminal record, are currently married, or a member of any organization that would make me have to cut them.

Pickles and Pumpkin Seeds

I have a frociate who is dating a stripper.  He and I have discussed it and I believe he will move beyond her.  Jesus wept.  Yes, get over your initial shock cus that's not the point of this post.  I wonder though, how he will date AFTER her?  Honestly, I would never knowingly date a man who has dated a stripper.  Why?  Because no matter what you tell me, that's a life style that's dangerous.  If a man knowingly dated one, he knowingly had chex with one.  I do believe there's chex in the champagne room.  And to have chex with a stripper says you are willing to take a risk that's obvious.

If I was to meet him who told me they dated a stripper, I would be one to the next one.  You might wonder what man would share that.  Lots.  Especially educated men who want to not appear so nerdy.  Men who may have been labeled as 'less edgy' coming up.  They're the ones quick to attempt to regale women with stories of having sold drugs or been homeless or some other extra urban hardship.  I might be in the minority but I don't want to hear that shyt!

In that same conversation, my frociate said that women want a thug-nerd hybrid.  Now look, I don't know what kind of women he's dated...That's a lie.  Yes I do.  Any woman who says some shyt like that is either YOUNG or she has limited relationship experience.  Nobody in their right mind wants a thug.  Nobody who has anything to lose wants a mate, friends, or associates that don't think rational discussion is the best way to get out of a situation. 

In short, if you're reading this and you're one of those women who wants your dude to physically show his ass in public defending your honor¹, you's a dumb ass.  But I'm pretty sure you won't admit it here because you know my most vocal readers will co-sigh on my calling you a dumb ass.

The same holds true for men.  I haven't heard a real grown man say he wants a hoe in the bedroom and lady in the streets in a real long time.  Why?  Cus those men understand that if a woman comes to him doing all sorts of circus tricks, she learned them somewhere before he got to her.  It's a totally different story for them, as a MARRIED couple, to discover those things TOGETHER.  Not only that, grown men realize that if you guys do everything in the first month, month two is really boring. 

I hear women doing this shyt too.  Sitting around telling some man how they are cool with bottom of the barrel shyt as a way to tell the man they aren't after them for their money.  That, IMO, is a dangerous game.  Hell, mess around and tell some man you were living off of chicken backs and white rice and he will think when y'all get together it's OK for him to having you living that way.  No thanks partner. 

But hey, I'm 'extra' so hell, maybe other women would date a man who admitted to having dated a stripper.  

1.  Honor in things like someone looking at you wrong.  Cus for real, the best way for a man to defend my honor is to not have me in settings where someone might pop off wrong. 

Saripherus Jenkins

Mary meets a dude at a club.  She is hot for him.  She tells all of her friends about him.  They never go out.  In fact, she tells her friends that she's very much attracted to him but he hasn't asked her out--it's been a month.  A month or so after the last time Mary mentioned the dude to her friend Sally, Sally meets a guy.  He asks Mary out and she goes  and she has a good time.  Before the date is over, he asks Sally out for a second date.  She agrees.

On her first date with the man, he talked about his very unique background and hobbies.  Sally filed this away but didn't think too much of it.  But there was something about him name that seemed so familiar to her.  His first name, Saripherus, may be the same name as the guy Mary was/is really into.

Should she ask him if he knows Mary?  Should she ask Mary is this is the same Saripherus?  Or should she just go out with Saripherus and deal with the possibility that he's he very same Saripherus that her friend Mary is hot for??

As someone who has a very unique name, the odds that two men meet two different Think Pretty Smart around my age, with my unique background and hobbies, are really slim.  But I've always wondered how I would handle it if I met two men who turned out to be friends.  In my mind, I'd like to think I'd just stop dating the one I liked the least.  But realistically, I'm not sure the man I chose to continue to see would be cool with still seeing me.  When you're dating someone, if you get serious enough, you're going to have to be around their friends.  How uncomfortable would it be for me to be there with my date and some other guy I dated?  Very.  I don't know exactly why, but it would.

Having said all that, in the situation with Saripherus, I think a man could pull this off.  If he meets two women, finds out they are friends, he can choose one.  Why?  Because the one he chooses won't care that he met her friend because at the end of the day he chose her.  Whatchall think?

Wishing His Momma Happy Birthday

I'm watching today's episode of Oprah.  I'm pretty sure if she wanted to, she could take over the world.    She has blocked off a Chicago city street and a whole grip of people are performing choreography.  Also, I wonder how the original female member of the Black Eye Peas feels.  And I think if it were any other show, Perez Hilton would have something to say about the Will.i.am performing.  But he even knows better than to mess with Ms. Winfrey.  Uh and I like Rascal Flatts.  There!  I said it!

Yesterday, Ted wrote a piece on decorum.  That's been sort of a recurring theme in my life this past weekend.  OK, well maybe not exactly.  The theme has been home training.  I went to a friend's birthday party.  It was at his house.  There's a chick that he's been seeing for nearly a year.  I've know the chick for basically the entire time they've been dating.  I met her through the same person he met her through.  She seems nice enough.

As I sat watching people come and go, I couldn't help but notice how she was off in a corner texting.  There was a point in the night when the birthday boy was nowhere to be found.  Guests were still coming.  Fortunately, most of us knew each other.  But two women came in.  They didn't know anyone.  Again, I watched the chick as she kept texting.  For about three seconds, she looked up. 

I found this odd.  If I am at my guy's house and there are people over, I go into hostess mode.  Now, I'm not sure if the chick is officially his girlfriend.  But even when I'm dating a guy, I find myself getting into hostess mode--especially when people come into the home that don't know anyone else.  I'm not sure if she was rude or didn't believe it was her 'place'.   

Later that weekend, I had a heated discussion where a frociate told me that he and his girlfriend of four months have only had four arguments.  Three of those arguments were about his friends.  I'm one of his friends.  I have met this woman two times for a total of two minutes.  Others who were around her longer said she was stand-offish and down right rude.  Our friends said she was the one who walked up and did not part her lips to speak to them.  The hell?

I went to lunch with a woman talked about how a lot of women don't know how to speak to a couple.  She and her guy were out and some chick approached them.  In typical asshole fashion, the chick first asked what he did.  He engaged her.  She kept all of her comments and questions focused on the dude even though his SO was standing right there.  Then she touched dude.  Who does that?  As if that wasn't enough, when she realized the SO was more than just a jump off, she turns to her and flatly asked what she did.  She said, "I'm a stay at home mom."  To which the heffa said, "Oh.  So did you go to school?"  Da heyelle?  Rude hoes with no home training. 

Thank God the dude recognized this for what it was.  Cus seriously, a lot of men don't see the bs when it happens OR they pretend not to. 

Then one of my dearest frociates called me with a post-date discussion.  He took some chick out and she never thanked him.  Not only that, but she looked a mess.  They were coming from work AND she knew she was going out with him.  Why not throw a curl in her hair and look like she gives a damn?  For herself, work, and him?  But the lack of thank-you just floored me.  Even if I have no intention of ever going out with a dude again, I thank him via call, email, or text within 24 hours of the date.  I told my frociate that her behavior wasn't something I would do.  But I also told him that if certain 'home training ish' wasn't important to him, move ahead dating her. 

What I have realized is that a lot of men don't care whether or not a woman has the basic home training my mother made sure to instill in me AND my brother(s).  In fact, I have been in relationships with men who weren't appreciative of my brand of home training.  But my frociate with the rude date, I don't think he's one who ignores a lack of basic home training--but I can't be sure.  Which is why I couched my feelings on her lack of thank-you the way I did.

Some might think what I call 'home training' isn't that but something that comes with age.  I disagree.  If I go somewhere and walk in a room, I speak to everyone.  I've been this way since childhood because that's how my mother taught me and showed me how to act.  If I go somewhere with my guy, I try to engage every person in conversation.  I take a gift to his mom's house when I visit.  I take coats at the door.  If I'm talking to a couple, I'm directing my words to BOTH of them and likely more so the woman.

I've been known to be 'too particular'.  So tell me, are my ideas about home training odd, off base, too over the top?

One Dress Size

Yesterday on VSB, I made a comment about having had a boyfriend who broke up with me because I went up ONE DRESS SIZE.  The initial responses, from men, were that it was a cover.  And at the time it happened, I thought so too.  But being away from the situation and looking at the relationship and him without the raw emotions, I tend to believe he was telling the full truth. 

I thought about all the pictures I'd seen of the women he dated, they were all thin.  He came from a family of women who were big to obese.  They all started off thin sand ended up big with all of the issues related to being over-weight.  The only one who was thin into her 50's had been on crack.  And we know there's no such thing as a fat crackhead.  When we were together, I was expected to always be done up.  Not that I have a problem with it.  I like dressing up.  But I was expected to be on 10 from morning to rest. 

I was reminded of this even before I left my comment on VSB because a frociate of mine admitted to having broken up with a woman over health issues.  Yes, there were other reasons but both sides of her family had 'issues'.  And as he was explaining it, I wanted to be outraged.  But I wasn't.  Mainly because I have heard and seen so many men cheat on their wives when those wives are ill.  I think he knows that he wouldn't be that great of a mate to someone who is sickly.  The woman he broke up with is unfortunately predisposed to have certain illnesses.  These are things that she has no control over--mind you.  

I also understand that him breaking up with her and getting with a woman who has a solid health history doesn't ensure he'll never have to deal with illness.  But avoiding people who have sickly histories is one way to lessen the chances he has to deal with the illness of a spouse.  Is it fair?  No.  Do I think she'll never get married because of her health background?  No.  Because every man doesn't think as my frociate does. 

The point??  We all have our issues.  The key is to find someone who'll accept you and your issues.  The other point is that sometimes, people tell you the truth.  It's nothing more complicated that what they said particularly when you consider the source. 

Before 1979

Some of you have heard this story in person.  Bare with me as I tell it again.  Picture it, 2007-ish.  I was walking into my job.  As I walked toward the corner and could see a black town car.  I didn't pay too much attention to it because those were regular things in that neighborhood.  As I got closer, I saw an older man and woman who'd just gotten out of the car.  As I got closer, the man came into focus.  For about 2 seconds too long, we gazed at each other.  I was busy putting two and two together.  He was busy raping me with his eyes.  After the whole incident was over, my ovaries needed therapy. 

That meaty-eyed man was none other than Marion Berry.  *shiver*

I hadn't felt that yucky since the time Bill Clinton and I shared a similar gaze.¹  Anyhow, I'm one of those transplants who came to the area with a certain mindset about Marion Berry.  I knew he was the mayor who smoked crack, got caught, and got re-elected.  And for that, I believed the voters in DC were idiots.  I'm not saying my mind has changed.  But...

I watched HBO's Nine Lives of Marion Berry.  It gave me a whole new appreciation for the man and the people who follow him blog topic.  Never mind, he's still testing positive for cocaine.  Never mind how he treated Effi and probably his other wife, countless other women, and my ovaries. 

I think I get it now.  DC was three feet out of 'slavery' when Marion came along.  Right around when he came, Blacks were allowed to have real government jobs.  Unlike what most of us have been led to believe, Marion represents more than just giving some kids summer jobs.  He led the city as opportunities were opening up for Blacks.  I'm not sure it was all his doing but he was the face of change.  Sound familiar?

Yes there was nepotism.  Hell, there is nepotism damn near everywhere.²  But when crack came, his leadership skills suffered.  Why?  Because his recreational cocaine use turned to recreational crack use.  There's no such thing as recreational crack use.³  And since birds of a feather flock together, I believe a lot of the people who he gave jobs and contracts to were either also on drugs or saw Marion's obvious drug addiction as an opportunity to get over.  I suppose that's why a couple of them had to do jail time.

I'm not saying I can stand behind a leader I know does drugs.  But I can understand how some could.  Marion Berry is that uncle/cousin/father/brother that many of us have.  Someone who was living up to and beyond their potential until they got that stem in their lips. And every year we hope that this is the year that relative is going to show up sober with tales of having been sober for months and plans of staying sober forever. 

And when I saw the actual video of him smoking the crack, I do believe Marion was telling the truth.  That b* set him up.  She got caught out there and was used as a tool to catch him with his pants around his ankles stem in his mouth.  He would have done anything to get in her panties.  Why?  Cus he is a dirty old philandering man.  I'm not saying it was his first time smoking crack but I seriously doubt they could have gotten any DC resident to get him to smoke on tape. 

I'm not saying it's right.  But for the people living in the city, another reason they are able to excuse his behavior is because way before he became a national figure, he was one of those men who thumbed his nose at the establishment.  As a result, the establishment was out to get him--especially once he got elected and still thumbed his nose at them.

Soooooo, it's no wonder that the community is still rallying around him.  It's no wonder that these people are willingly voting for this man.  To sum it up:  He represents a time when DC residents got things they didn't have before (opportunity to run their city), someone who thumbs their nose at the establishment who didn't want DC to be self governed, and the hope that crackhead uncle Robert who was doing so well before crack, will get his act together.

Marion has been running this city since before he was ever elected mayor.  And if a lot of the people had their way, he'd still run it...except that he technically never will again.

1.  Sometimes I really wonder why I end up in the places I end up.

2.  I am a firm believer of nepotism so long as qualified people get the position.  You can't hire your uncle Ray'Quan to be the city coroner just because he knows how to cut up chicken.

3.  There are functioning drug addicts, but they aren't doing it for recreational purposes. 

If I Can Be Edna

Him:  How'd you end up in DC?

Me:  I went to school here.

Him:  Maryland?

Me:  Naw.

Him:  Oh you must be one of them Howard girls.

Me:  *I wish 'Cousin' would hurry up and get here.* Yeah.

Him:  Yeah you probably joined one of them sar-rar-uh-teez too.

Me:  Yep.

Him:  Oh you too good for me then.

Me:  *tight lip*brow knit*  Am I supposed to tell you I'm not too good for you?

Him:  see, dat's the shyt I'm talkin bout right there.

Me:  *This month is going to be hard.*

It's no secret, which sorority I belong to.  Gosh, doesn't that sound cultish?  Belong to?  Most of the people reading this know that certain sororities supposedly match certain fraternities.  Yes, I'm dumbing this down.  Anyhow, I would guess my ideal is supposed to be a certain gold boot wearing, barking man.  Ha!  The one I'm supposed to be drawn to...A perfect match for.  Thanks Edna, Frank!

Side Note:  As I'm writing this, in my mind I head that song from School Daze, Perfect Match.

And I know, based on so many of my associates who are members of the pan-hell organizations (Save the Iotas cus I have yet to befriend one of them. Honestly, and don't tell them I said this, I think they are an urban legend.  A figment of some drunken UPS workers imagination.  Remind me to detail that one later.), that some of us have this idea that our mate must be a member of a certain fraternity or sorority.  For some, it's an obsession.

Funny Story:  I know a guy who dated this girl. Thought she was the prettiest, smartest thing this side of Heaven.  She'd been making mention of her linesisters here and again. But the man assumed she was either a Delta or AKA.  When she said she was actually a Zeta, she immediately became flawed. He said she was still smart and pretty, but her being a Zeta caused him to be preoccupied with finding out what was wrong with her.  After all, in his Kappa mind, something had to be wrong with her if she was a Zeta.  That was their last date.

I can look at my line along with some of my closest friends who are also sorors, and say we are not all the same.  So if a man is looking for a Delta, that wouldn't be enough to put on his list.  We're all so, so, different even in our similarities, that he'd better be very specific about the Delta he wants.  Sure we're all great.  I won't argue with you on that point.  I'm oh so humble.  But do we all fit into the same box?  Do we all fit the stereotypes?  I think this holds true for the other sororities and fraternities.  With the exception of Kappas cus we all know how superficial they are. :-)

I bet some non-members are asking, "Wow.  Is it that deep?" 

Thing is, membership in these organizations is a main non-negotiable on some folks'  'Perfect Match' list.  They won't even look at someone who doesn't know secrets.  Someone who can't wear 'letters'!  Just like some people won't even deal with someone without at least one degree, this whole sorority/fraternity thing is just that important to some people.   

And I'm not going to lie, membership does have its privileges.  I have participated in 'Greek' nepotism just like I've participated in HBCU nepotism.  But ti consider it as a must-have in my relationships just doesn't make sense for me.  So long as my guy understands that I am a dues paying member and will always be one, and I'll be brainwashing exposing our kids early, I'm good.  

I have noticed that this obsession seems more likely with people who pledged graduate chapters. 

Freeze In The Dark

You are renting a place to someone and utilities are included.  Your tenant doesn't pay the rent.  Would it be alright for you to cut off utilities??  Would you immediately take the issue to court??  You've done it before and they paid before the ink was even dry on the papers.