Ed. Note: The following was posted over 6 9-10 years ago but I think the content applies with a bit of adjustment. This was written before Twitter. Twitter changed the game. It made is to that men don't even have to compose a paragraph to get women. A few tweets, a DM,then bam!
Before I officially start, this might could get Unabomber long. OK? I'm just putting that out there up front so y'all don't comment that I've been stricken with Panamitis (a propensity for long ass entries). It's gonna take a minute to get to the point.
When I first started blogging it was a couple few years long ass time ago...Maybe two and a half a decade. The first blog was completely anonymous. Or so I am inclined to think. Except that I know someone I know stumbled upon it but I don't think he realized it was me. That blog was crazy personal. In writing it, I found evidence to support my belief that 'Ain't shyt new under the sun'. So many other people were going through the same things I was going through. Quite reassuring.
All in all, it was a great experience...Being annonymous. As time went on, I saw myself leaning on the blog. Writing there what I should be saying in real life. (Old people, lest we forget the 'F' situation?) I'd also off-handedly mentioned this secret blog to a few people. People like Big Shirley who demanded to read it. I had to satiate those folks somehow. Enter, 'Blog that included my real first name'. It would be humorous and most of all, not ANONYMOUS. Which meant there was no way I was putting anything really personal on there.
After the first few weeks of having two blogs, I got tired. I had realized the anonymous one was a crutch and decided to let it go. But when I did, when I focused just on maintaining 'Blog that included my real first name', I started to wonder things that had never crossed my mind before. I wondered how blogging affects social interactions. Before I blogged, I thought only fat geeks who reenacted Dungeons and Dragons maintained weblogs. So I was either not in the fat part of the normal curve, or I had been wrong. Maybe everyone on the internet wasn't a fat virgin who was 35 living in their mom's basement. But I had to see how this really worked. I mean outside of using it as a journal. Were people really meeting in real life, hooking up, becoming fast friends?? And by 'people', I mean BLACK people. Sorry white folks, I know you guys have been blogging and meeting based on online interactions for a while now.
The first thing I did was put a link to my IM name on the page. And surprisingly, people started IM-ing me. I also made it a point to leave comments. And surprisingly, people started writing me back. Then people who I didn't even know started commenting. This research project was going pretty damned easy thus far. Too bad I didn't have the forethought to apply for a government grant to do this research. Cus y'all know the gov't will pay you to research damn near anything.
Then people started IM-ing me regularly. People I'd never met and never intended to meet. We'd shoot the shyt for hours. It's amazing how much time one can spend chatting with a complete stranger. For me, it was simply that...chatting. However, I'm inclined to believe that a few of the people I'd talk to thought I was really TALKING to them. Sharing with them. But in 'Blog that included my real first name'-land, we were just a few people shooting the shyt to make our work days go by faster. (This doesn't include you--wearing of the spankies with HIS name across them. Or all of the others from the old, Pre-'Blog that included my real first name'.) And I will say, I've had some wonderful conversations with people from all walks of life because of the whole blogging thing. And, I have every single IM conversation I have ever had. Even the ones I thought I lost. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. So if you've said/written some foul stuff about someone...Well, I still have the convo. Trillian--check it out.
The more I talked to folks though, the more I wondered if relationships built online were similar to those built in the real world. There were people who were honest and genuine. But there were also people whose intentions weren't so nice. Except that online, if someone was honest, they were super honest. And if someone was deceitful, they were super deceitful. In both cases, participants' e-courage was a driving force. The courage to speak truths they might not in real life. The courage to do things they might not be afforded the opportunity to do.
In Brown Shuga's Behind the Blog, I asked her how this mode of communication has affected her and her peers. And, right around the same time I read Panama's entry about Black Planet Homes and how y'all (Cus I'm Sexiopian) have managed to turn certain web services in to the e-projects. I know people meet on-line and hook up. There are sites designed just for this. Online dating is a multi-billion dollar industry. Remind me to invest. But you've gotta wonder how this works through blogging. Since, according to the articles written, blogging is supposed to be about self expression...Not hooking up. More research coupled with common sense and I came to some conclusions.
I remember in one of the earlier conversations with BC, I told him that a man's internet game seemed to be as follows:
1. Read a blog.
2. Contact writer--if it's a woman.
3. Chat to access her vibe.
4. Try to get her number. Now see this is interesting because not once has anyone ever come out and asked for my number online. What I have had happen, too many times to count, is a guy start a really good topic of discussion the abruptly say something like, "Dang, I have to go. We can continue this on my way home or I can talk to you tomorrow." Needless to say, all those conversations were picked back up the next day or never.
5. Talk a few times. If she's local, she moves up the priority list. Otherwise, you can always visit. Women like that.
6. Get her to meet you somewhere. This is done to access her f*ckability. Because as it's told to me, "99% of the women who are willing to meet a stranger alone for the first time will get f*cked."
7. If the woman is a 5 or below, treat her like a 10. This way, she will cling to the man because he's treating her the best she's ever been treated. And this treatment fits into her fairy-tale. But if the woman is a 6 or above, treat her like she's a two. This confuses her and she clings to her internet buddy more because she can't see why some internet clown is dogging her.
8. Hit. And hit often.
9. Become unavailable. He all of a sudden has to work. Bullshyt. His ass has blocked you from his IM client.
10. Rinse and repeat. And by 'repeat' I mean move your operation to another circle of bloggers or another blogging service.
And in response to the plan layed out above, the woman does the following:
1. Read blog.
2. Comment and try to do so in a way that makes her stand out from the rest.
3. Chat to see if he's really a nice guy.
4. Exchange numbers. After all, he is a nice guy. (Translation: he fits the fairy-tale she has in her head.)
6. Go out. Stop right here. The woman thinks this is a date. He will pay but it's not a date, it's an interview.
7. Tell all your friends about a wonderful person you met online.
8. Have sex with him.
9. Be considerate of his schedule.
10. Wonder what the heck happened.
These are the patterns I've noticed. Because those patterns exist, it does not mean the one blogger who met his love because of his blog (wink-wink) is doomed. Nonetheless, the roles men and women play online aren't far from what they'd play were they to meet in a club, the grocery store, or the gym.
The only difference is in background checking. It seems people do a far more thorough background check when they meet someone in person. Maybe Black people are less aggressive with their background checks when meeting people online because the whole internet thing is still sort of taboo in our community. Normally, people ask around to see if a person is married, crazy, etc. But on the internet, not so much.
In the real world, people lie all the time. People take advantage of those in need of attention all the time. But never, before I started blogging, did I think it could be done on the internet. I thought people would have to have some face-to-face time before they lost all grasp of logic. Sure, I've heard of dating sites. Those sites are set up with hooking up as their purpose.
Some would think that the ability to run game on the internet means you have a Ph.D. in gaming. I disagree. If these same men were in a regular situation, where they'd have to be whitty on demand, they would fold. But on the internet, it's easier to compose a perfect response...Even if it takes ten minutes to write one sentence. I dare you to take these same men to a gathering and they would wilt. Let's not even think about ever taking them to the club to run game. Why, they'd probably start stuttering and shyt their pants. Now, that would be funny.
And the women, if most of these women were on the street, they may not get the attention they get on the internet. On the internet, women who might not get attention, get attention, and get played, just like other women do in real life. So maybe the internet levels things out for them.
It's not my business to expose anyone or call them out by name. Besides, they'd only make disparaging remarks about me to the women and those women would accept what the men say as fact. Women are funny that way. And by 'funny', I mean stupid or desperate for attention. What I will say though, is that I'm tired of it. I almost kinda of feeling sorry for these women and tired of being sickened as the men brag and bask in the glow of their latest internet conquests. But not really because I just see the game is still the same, just partially electronic.