Gone Fishing...But Not REALLY

Yesterday Anna said Jason was a good catch.  And I guess he is.  But what is a good catch?  I'd like to think I surround myself with respectable people.  I'd like to think I'm not even 'cool' with anyone who isn't a good catch.  Why?  Because when I find out they aren't quite right, I tend to move away from the friendship/frociation. 

Anyway kind people, please describe to me what is a 'catch'.  I wanna hear about what a 'catch' of a woman and 'catch' of a man means.  The flo' is yours!  Oh and I'm cyber pinching the anyone who mentions chain restaurants for any reason!

Comments

[sherri]

A good catch takes you to Dennys & Outback for the freebies on your birthday.

[Ms. Smart]

Oooh! I'ont even like you!! *cyber pinch*

[Anna N.]

LMAO!!!

[onefromphilly]

If I think he is a good catch and he thinks I'm a good catch.

[Honest]

Dang I haven't even used that phrase in a long time. To me a good catch would be someone who was kind, respectable, capable of love, capable of financially supporting his love, and insert whatever other quality you look for in a mate. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a good catch for me but could be one in a "general" sense.

[Ms. Smart]

I am asking for specifics. Like, if you were to meet someone, what characteristics would s/he have that would cause you to tell someone else, "Terry is a great catch." I'm starting to think there is huge variance in 'catch' descriptors.

[SoJo]

"I'm cyber pinching the anyone who mentions chain restaurants for any reason..."

DAMMIT!!!

*storming out in a huff after erasing my comment about dudes that surprise me by sending take-out Olive Garden for lunch*

*_*

[SoJo]

"If I think he is a good catch and he thinks I'm a good catch."

"I'm starting to think there is huge variance in 'catch' descriptors."

I think that's the point. It really depends on the things that are priorities for you and your lifestyle. For me, what I consider basics (employed, fiscally responsible, emotionally stable, etc.) are things that other people think are gems.

For ex, one of my close friends tends to automatically think that I should immediately settle down with every guy that I date because they share general characteristics that she thinks are great. I don't necessarily think they're great because they SHOULD be a given. But based on some of her previous experiences, those things that I think are basic are almost non-existent.

Beyond those basics, it's the extras (similar quirky interests that I have) are the little things that cause me to think someone is a good catch FOR ME and vice-versa.

[sherri]

How about he has a good job, has a car and takes care of all his kids.

[WuDaMan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhkAGfS__mk&feature=related

[SoJo]

I can't see YouTube from work. But Ms. Smart will let me know if this video is something that I need to put you on the TimeOut Bench for. O_o

[WuDaMan]

I pinch.

Womp Wommp.

[sherri]

OK... now that I have that out of my system. Why is it so quiet up in here????

I would post my demographics but I know that doing so would immediately make me a hater, old fuddy duddy and one not to be listened to (gp)...

A good catch(man) is
-one that wants to and can take care of a family. Means nothing to me that you can afford to fly me to Paris for a weekend if you don't want a family or me long term

-one that respects me and honors me and commands that his friends and family do also

- one that believes in honoring his commitments

- one that recognizes that being a good husband and father is the most important job he will ever have

- one that shares some of my interests

- one that respects and honors my parents

- intelligent and open to new experiences.
- one that loves me more than I love him or at least thinks that he does

[CEE]

Ummmmm...someone who is rich! LOL...I'm just saying.

But seriously, a catch for me is someone who can make me laugh, deal with my bullshit, can get along with my family (and people in general), is relatively honest, likes to travel, loves art, and did I mention rich (fiscally responsible....). I would hope that he is also willing to work towards perfection just as I would be.

[L.P.]

Can he make me laugh to the point where I double over in the middle of Walmart at 8pm on a Tuesday night?
Can I trust him to make decisions for the whole unit/potential family?
Can I trust him to make us a priority in his daily life?
Can we dream together and be silly together?
Can I be vulnerable and bare and open with him?

Then he's a great catch.

Like Sojo said, a great catch for me will not necessarily be a great catch for someone else... Certain things go without saying in my opinion... I don't know too many people who just don't want to do anything with their lives, I don't generally have them as friends... so it won't cross my mind to say someone who is ambitious, because that to me is a given. I don't even think a non-ambitious man will be interested in me. :lol:

A great catch can not be determined off a list of credentials imho. It's more about how that list of credentials interact with my list of credentials and what we create as a result.

Most guys that I have dated are quote and quote great catches... We just weren't good catches TOGETHER. Once the "click" clicks, it just does.

I want to be someone's Orange Moon, and I want to reflect the light of his Sun... (Yeah, Eryka Badu overload. :D)...

[SoJo]

THIS!! I was talking to a friend yesterday and mentioned that I'm pretty much aware now of my personal strengths and areas of vulnerability.

What's important to me personally right now (beyond the basics) is someone that does not view my vulnerabilities as "weaknesses". Some folks don't care about all of that as long as their financial needs are met.

In addition, a good catch to me is someone that is invested in building/maintaining a family legacy and strong spiritual foundation. For me, I want more than just a marriage - I want to leave my descendants an example. That may not be important to other people, but it is to me.

[onefromphilly]

"It really depends on the things that are priorities for you and your lifestyle."

EXACTLY!

At this age and stage in life, a good catch for me has to have a loving heart, be spiritual, intelligent, be a nice person, adventerous, physically fit, be a family man, and a man who believes that he has to take care of his woman, and be gainfully employed or unemployed for a very good reason, have good credit and his own money. And be physically attractive to me. And let's be real real real here. He has to be an unselfish lover, the s*x has to be GOOD!!!!!!!
I'm too old for bad s*x.

Not a lot of material stuff is on my list. I have my own money, my own car, my own career, my own house and I'm not having any more babies. So a good catch for me doen't have to be "set" with all the material stuff. But he has to be a real grown up MAN!

[L.P.]

someone that does not view my vulnerabilities as "weaknesses".

Yes Ma'am!! *nods head vigorously*

It's all about the building of something bigger than us. I totally understand and agree.

[Ms. Smart]

"Doesn't necessarily mean he's a good catch for me but could be one in a "general" sense."

Exactly!  Urrybody isn't a good catch for urrybody!

[Ms. Smart]

Ah.  Ya know, most of these characteristics aren't outward.  You can't walk up to someone or look at someone and tell these things about them.  Ya know?  I think people want to be able to quickly put someone in categories.  I'm not saying it can't be done.  But I find the things that are most important to me aren't things I can thoroughly assess at 'Hi'.  It's quite frustrating too. Do I give this guy a chance even though he's closed minded about date options?  Could I get passed that racist/sexist/homophobic joke he thought was hilarious to find out if, at his core, he's a good person?

[Ms. Smart]

I'm over here laughing because if we had more male commenters (not readers) I'm sure they'd be all over your mention of 'rich'.

[Ms. Smart]

" For me, what I consider basics (employed, fiscally responsible,
emotionally stable, etc.) are things that other people think are gems."

THIS!  It is to explain this to folks whose situations are different than mine.  To explain that a dude is gainfully employed, owns stuff, hasn't been having kids all up and down the east coast but he and I still don't 'work' together?  Especially to people who live in places where it's a big deal to meet a man who can form a sentence?

[Ms. Smart]

Pretty much.  I also thinks it takes a certain level of maturity and self acceptance to know you aren't a great catch to everyone.  If I had a dollar for every chick who thought she was a great catch because she had a degree and a weave, hell, I'd be half way rich.  If I had a dollar for every man who thought he was a catch because he can read (but doesn't), that would take me the other half of the way to RICH!

[Ms. Smart]

I'm finding that when I do find a man who is a catch TO ME, I'm able to overlook a lot of stuff that, were we not 'meshing' well, would be deal breakers. 

[Ms. Smart]

I wonder why no dudes are responding.  In fact, I don't think I've ever heard a dude go into detail about what he believes is a good catch.  Humh.  I wonder why?  Do they not know or do they just not express it.

[sherri]

Like what?? What deal breakers are you able to overlook?

[Ms. Smart]

I'm willing to overlook work-a-holic-ism.  If I don't like a dude, I'll use it as cause to never speak to him.  But if I do, I will be more likely to make time when he has time and be more aware of when he goes out of his way to make time.  This is something I usually know up front.  If we have one date and can't get our scheduled synched to have a second, if I don't like a dude, I'll let it ride.  But if I do, I'm likely to discuss options of how we can make it work.  Humh.  I think I just said the same thing twice. 

I'm also willing to overlook lack of exposure if he doesn't try to make me feel bad for the exposure I have had.  No comments about me doing 'white' things or going to 'white' places.  I'm able to overlook height, if I like the man.  I'm willing to overlook him not having perfect credit if he's working on it.  I'll only bother to find out if he's working on it, if I like him.  I'm even willing to overlook it if he's not as thoughtful as I would ideally like him to be, if I like him and some other things are in place. 

[sherri]

Nope. They aren't outward, but they say somethings about the core of who we are. People may "lie" about who they are, but I am a firm believer that they can't lie for long. If you've been lied to long term, you were obviously comatose.

That's why women need to learn how and why to date. Dating for women should be all about evaluating. Could I get past the racist/sexist/homophobic joke? Maybe not. But that's doesn't mean the guy is not a good catch for someone. I just don't get down that way- EVER - and would not enjoy living with someone that does. All "good" people are not meant for me.

This is one of the reasons I find the conversations about dating so irritating. It seems like a lot of women either 1) don't know their own worth or 2) are out of touch when it comes to evaluating another person.

Finally, I thought about the chain restaurant question all week. Ugly attitude was the issue I took with the post. When I think about it, I can't remember the last time I went to a "chain" on an early date. makes me wonder in which pool folks are swimming in.

[sherri]

OK... then I would say those are not on your list of deal breakers.

Some of my deal breakers:
smokers
jail/prison
unintelligent
over religous
ebonics

Period. No amount of good looking, accomplished, chemistry is going to make me overlook these. They wouldn't show up on my good catch list but they do speak to my personal taste.

[Ms. Smart]

"Ugly attitude was the issue I took with the post. When I think about it,
I can't remember the last time I went to a "chain" on an early date.
makes me wonder in which pool folks are swimming in."

It's interesting that you took her attitude about it as ugly cus I took it as frustration.  What do you mean about dating pools?

[L.P.]

Same here... I think I put a higher premium on how I feel with someone then who (or what) a guy is... Because the "good" guys have been a dime a dozen, but finding someone I feel GREAT with has been a very rare experience... that's why it's more important to me...

[Ms. Smart]

Those things are deal breakers because for the wider mass of men, doing any of those things would immediately put them in the 'naw bruh' category.

[SoJo]

Same here.

[Ted]

First, this: "If I had a dollar for every chick who thought she was a great catch because she had a degree and a weave, hell, I'd be half way rich."

LOL!! Each and every day, you have a one-liner that makes me laugh.

Second, a "catch." We don't use this word to describe women worth "wifing." Men say things like, well, "She's wife material, dog. I could marry her, for real."

That tangent aside, here is what I consider to be a catch, in no specific order:

- Physically attractive. This is more about the maintenance and presentation of what she has than it is about DNA. Taking pride in one's appearance is always attractive.

- Intellectually curious. No one can control how they were raised, but they can ensure they are critical thinkers and open to new things and ideas.

- A good girlfriend, wife, and mother. A woman who can be all of these things is pure gold. Of course, when meeting a single woman with no kids, it's not easy to guage. But by paying attention to how she treats her family and friends, there are clues EVERYWHERE that tell a man what he needs to know. FYI: A woman is different in each of these roles, and her man wants ALL of them at the appropriate times.

- Active. This has nothing to do with a social life and everything to do with hobbies, extra-curriculars, and how she spends her free time. This is necessary because it defines who she is outside of work and "the scene."

- Fiscally responsible. Give me a woman who makes $30K a year and still ensures she saves $200 a month over one who makes $100K a year and saves only $200 a month any day of the week. A woman who can manage money and think strategically is a WINNER.

- Sense of humor. Women love to laugh and it is no secret amongst men that the way to a woman's heart is through her funny bone. BUT a woman who is a catch can make her man laugh AND genuinely finds his jokes funny. When one person is the clown and the other the audience, the relationship is no fun.

I could go on, but I think those get the gist of "catch" across. Most of these may seem easy to find, but they are NOT. One man's active and beauty is another man's "she don't know how to siddown" and "she's too high maintenance."

[BlkBond]

Honestly: Dudes don't want to reveal what they're looking for because some woman will fake it to get what she wants. (I've seen it happen).

I was gonna write a post on this, so here is my analogy: Imagine if you are searching for person with a certain skill set that's critical to do a certain job. It's a good job by all accounts, so there are many applicants. With that said, many people will inflate or lie about their qualifications. So, before you offer them the position (or tell them what it is), you speak with them, observe them, etc. to gauge if they are qualified. Everyone who qualifies won't want the job. Everyone who wants the job will not be qualified. But because the skills are so synonymous with the job, you must hire someone with the skill set. That position is called 'Girlfriend'and/or 'Wife'

I will be very surprised if you get a guy who tells you what he wants. You're likely to get guys who tell you what they don't want...

Bond.

[Ms. Smart]

But in this setting, where we're pretty much anon, people can give their definition without fear or giving people a heads-up on the test questions. BTW, where is my password?