First of all, anyone watch Boardwalk Empire? The fact that Chalky White strangled a man with his bare hands AND that his name is Chalky White is just...Second, I'm pretty sure clothes fit better back then. Sure the styles were different but since most of them were home-made, I'm thinking I could do well in that era. My freakishly short torso wouldn't stop me from being great so much!
We weren't the youngest and probably not the prettiest there. However, we were pretty clear that this was not a seventh grade dance. We knew some of the people there. But we walked away knowing every dude and probably half of the women. And it wasn't like we were rolling up on folks or anything like that.
What I mostly witnessed was what I call the Yawn Syndrome. These chicks didn't look or act approachable. Even when they'd had a few drinks. They were huddled in corners and siting on couches. And because I kinda knew the hosts, I know most of those women were there trying to be on the 'come up'. Yet, they sat their asses in corners and were the personification of a weak yawn.
It wasn't that they were laying in the cut watching the scene to see who was who and what was what. No. These dry bishes were just 'there' taking up space. But these are the same women who moan about never meeting anyone. Even if they have husbands or are in relationships, they could still socialize. Who goes to a party and only speaks to the team of women they came with? Who? Tell me! Oh these dry folks!
I bet there are some dry bishes reading this. Please keep in mind, being a dry bish isn't about dating so much as it is about an apparent lack of social skills. Without social skills, exactly what value do you bring? Seriously? This goes for men and women. And it's not even like this was a club scene. This was casual and these people still were bumps on logs. I do wonder how they get along in other aspects of their life. Anyway...
I like gatherings. I like hosting them--though I rarely get to do so now. Anyway, when I pull together the guest list, people do get cut if they bring nothing to the table. There was a chick who was trying to force her way into 'the circle'. She made some missteps but her biggest mistake was that she brought nothing to the table except drama. She had no color commentary, no life lessons to offer. If she was a cooker, hostess, or something, she might still get invited to shyt. Hell, she's wasn't even bringing us a level of niceness to even out our foolishness.
So what do YOU bring to the table socially? If/when you are invited somewhere, what the thing (or things) you bring with you?
I have always been shy...like painstakingly so...once I started drinking er I mean as I got older I just started talking to folks hell. I would find people who looked like they werent with anyone, male or female, then I would strike up a conversation! Honestly, part of me felt like I didnt have anything to offer to a conversation. Plus in the past I would be hit with coldness from other women when I try to introduce myself or strike up a conversation. *shrug*
However, I am funny, I WILL talk to almost anybody, I can be silly and I have a great laugh and most importantly, I cook and bring likka! LOLOL
Posted by: Icey1273 | 12/14/2010 at 07:21 AM
Oh and Im gon get on this Boardwalk Empire business
Posted by: Icey1273 | 12/14/2010 at 07:22 AM
What is this Boardwalk Empire foolishness?
Like Icey, upon first glance I may appear to be shy or even aloof. But that's mainly because I'm a people watcher. It's more interesting to me to peep the dynamic of a room than participate in it. I'd be perfectly content w/ some likka in the corner making up stories about everyone in the crowd in my head.
But I also know that people can tend to be judgmental when you don't mix, therefore I always make it a point to socialize. That's makes people think that I am more social than I really am. I almost never remain w/ the person or group that I came with. I tend to mingle and speak to mostly everyone in the vicinity, male or female (although males are usually the most fun to talk to). I think that my biggest attribute is that I'm quick-witted. I'm always good for bringing the comedy.
Posted by: SoJo | 12/14/2010 at 08:27 AM
OK. Here's the thing. I am shy. But I'm easily board. So if I come with a friend or two, I've known these people. They'll bore me in a few minutes. Then I'm compelled to see what kind of insights and entertainment strangers have to offer.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 08:51 AM
On Demand! Get on it. Lots of subplots. I'm glad I waited until I could essentially watch the entire season within a week.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 08:52 AM
Talking to women disarms those hoes. I actually gravitate to the ones who appear like they'd hate me the most. I guess it's a little game I play. I am evil in a sweet, straight outta Unicornia way.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 08:56 AM
I ask people what they do for a living, and I actually care and listen to their answer! LOL
Plus I'm a part time bootlegger. Everybody finds a bootlegger interesting.
LOL....did you call them 'dry bishes'??? LOL
Posted by: onefromphilly | 12/14/2010 at 08:57 AM
OMG! You are a dayum bootlegger! Welp, my life in complete! I know a dayum bootlegger! Yeah that's pretty damned interesting.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 09:00 AM
You know I quit you about 2.5 seconds after I read "dry bishes", witcho evil azz? *_*
Posted by: SoJo | 12/14/2010 at 09:13 AM
Yeah whatevs. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I bet at least three people you know in real life popped into your head. So who's evil nah?
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 09:23 AM
Now that I have HBO I will sample this Boardwalk empire you speak of.
I don't think I'm shy but then when I really think about it I am. I think it depends on who I'm with and what's happening but at times I too can be a "sit in the corner and only talk to the people I'm with or who approach me" kind of person. That's why I DREAD going to parties alone especially if I only know the host or hostess. I need to make a change.
Posted by: Honest | 12/14/2010 at 09:26 AM
Well I'm a socialite so I don't have that issha! Icey has hung out with me before so she can vouch for me! Seriously tho, dry bishes irritate me. You try to engage them in conversation and they look at you like you are the crazy person. Bish, don't nobody want you I'm just trying to hold a conversation! Dry bishes should stay home or hang with other dry bishes at the dry bish club.
I think what I bring to the party is friendliness and openess. I will compliment another woman on her shoes or her outfit. Putting folks at ease is an acquired skill.
Posted by: Tiffany In Houston | 12/14/2010 at 09:32 AM
I spent my day at the park yesterday. It was fun watching the kids and their different social demeanors. My daughter is a social butterfly but she has a few friends that she plays with most.
I think people are who they are from childhood.
I'm the youngest and never had to meet people on my own. I still sorta rely on the person I know to bring people around. I am a connector. I will have everyone around me speaking to each other. I remember names and details, plus I don't want to have long conversations so I am good at getting strangers to mingle.
Posted by: Ames | 12/14/2010 at 09:34 AM
Yes! Cus the older I get, the more I actually like to show up alone. I encourage folks to show up alone/first. This way, you are almost forced to meet people. As a woman, I haven't been alone for more than 15 minutes without a man coming to keep me company.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 09:34 AM
TIH: No country for dry bishes!
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 09:35 AM
I got a thing for people. I love em. I like engaging people being friendly. That's just my group of people. I remember my crew in college (the fat boys & the devil troll) when the first one of us graduated. The party was all jr. high. girls in a huddled mass and guys holding the walls up. We hit that school of fish like sharks in a school of mackerel. & Raw Sean decided to jump off the SWITCH partners. Before you knew it everybody was on the floor. I still remember the woman in a floor length white pant suit w/ four inch stilettos scrubbing the ground. I don't know I bring a strong back willing hands and a Pollyanna attitude. Cuz there's always an up side.
Posted by: WuDaMan | 12/14/2010 at 09:35 AM
See. I knew you was one of the most interesting people in this jawn. Lol
Posted by: WuDaMan | 12/14/2010 at 09:36 AM
YOU'RE SHY?!?
Posted by: KaNisa | 12/14/2010 at 09:45 AM
Yes. I talk a lot to and about other people. I'll give my opinions on various topics but very few people are going to walk away with more than my basic demographics.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 09:47 AM
I guess I'm a dry bish. Not ashamed to say it. I've always felt extremely uncomfortable around more than one non-work related strangers, or in situations where there's no obvious reason for me to be there. (ie. I was fine at AKA events before I was an AKA. Mutual interest and more active engagement on my part).
It's especially hard for me if pepo are extroverted though. It's like, even if I WANTED to say something, how could you get a word in edgewise without shouting over everyone?
Instead I just respond if people talk to me, then think about what I really wanted to say after they move on. In my defense, I do usually avoid situations that require me being social with 1+ non-work related pepo though so pepo don't look at me like o_O
And the hens in the corner thing is annoying. I remember going to Black pepo networking things at work (aka Black pepo hoe strolls my company had at The Park/Love the Club), and they'd be dressed to the nines...cackling/judging people in the corner...
At least I wait until I get home and do it on my blog...LOL
Posted by: KaNisa | 12/14/2010 at 10:19 AM
& I like me an entourage. There's nothing like your entourage.
Posted by: WuDaMan | 12/14/2010 at 10:24 AM
I keep hearing great stuff about Boardwalk Empire. Will get on it. Meanwhile, I'll take a short torso over my long one! I mean even wrap dresses that are supposed to fit everybody nicely look kinda weird on me. Lol. Don't even get me started on buttoned down shirts with buttons falling square in the middle of the boobies. *smh*
I am social by nature. Like Ames says, I think people are who they are from the get-go... as a first born, I was the most socialized of my siblings. I spent summers at grandmothers, aunts, summer camps etc...etc... The 'rents had the energy to get me engaged in different stuff, and that really helped. One of my sisters is painstakingly quiet/shy to the point where she seems cold (and is at times. Lol). But since she entered the real world, she realizes that she has to mingle and look approachable or else she misses out on a lot.
Because it's not my default setting, I have a hard time understanding it... But I see my sister and I know some of the dry bishes do try... Lol.
Posted by: L.P. | 12/14/2010 at 10:43 AM
TPS, please define "shy." I SOo don't think you fit that bill at all lol.
I LOVE B'walk Empire. LOVE it! I can't wait til next season.
I'm introverted but I'm more conscious of it now than when I was younger. So when I feel like it, I make the extra effort to be "social" but it definitely doesn't come natural to me and requires active thought and effort.
Posted by: Kunwrapped | 12/14/2010 at 11:01 AM
I was the oldest in my family but outside of the home, the other kids were always about a year older (I was a grade ahead). Plus, where neighborhood kids were concerned (once they'd been approved by y people) they liked playing at my house cus I had the fully furnished Barbie Dreamhouse, pool, etc. And since I spent my early years as an only child, I was bossy and selfish too. But...my attention span is so short, there were times I'd leave my friends in the playroom and go into my room to watch TV. I'm weird and always have been.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:06 AM
Interesting. I'm the 1st born too but my younger sibs are WAY more social than I was was when I was their ages (late teens). But I was an only child for a long time and that extra effort wasn't made by my ppl to socialize me. I was actually thinking about this the other day. No extra activities and I didn't have many cousins. In fact I remember sitting in my room alone for hours on end as a little kid and I see how that affects me to this day. I know I would do the exact opposite w/ my kids.
Posted by: Kunwrapped | 12/14/2010 at 11:07 AM
I did think about this--but not about you per se. It really is hard to get a word in around my friends. I am sure they are more than a few people who we dismissed because they never got, as in SNATCH the mic from someone to talk. Uh and just cus you wait to judge til you get home, u still are messy. I'm adding your name to the list of people whose messy flies under the radar. You're in good company. Honest's messy ass is on the list too!
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:10 AM
Exacty. Everyone has a story. I wanna hear it even if it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:11 AM
I could care less about the entourage. I already know my friends. I wanna know new folks. This is why I have to be careful when I'm out with SO's. My chattiness can be mistaken for flirting. And when I speak to men who are used to dry bishes, they're often shocked that I'm not trying to date them. I sincerely want o know how it is that they are a grown man in public wearing a pretty tennis bracelet.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:14 AM
Based on that I'd call it gaurded, rather than shy. I consider shy people scared of their own shaddow, but gaurded people will talk it up and have fun, yet not reveal much about their life.
Posted by: K.I.M. | 12/14/2010 at 11:15 AM
The real world aint no joke!
I think putting kids in situations where they have to learn to get along with different people is good for the soul. It prepares them for workplace politics--something many of US under-estimate the value of doing.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:22 AM
I am not forthcoming with notable information about me. I clam up when people press for information. It feels like an attack or that they are trying to invade my world when they weren't invited in. That's what I think of as shy.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:24 AM
OK. I agree. I like guarded better--cus that's exactly what I am.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 11:26 AM
Reserved!
If you're shy I don't know what I am...
Posted by: KaNisa | 12/14/2010 at 11:42 AM
I definitely advise my friends who wonder why people don't approach them not to wear their, "Stank Face." Stank face could be unintentional - lack of smiling, closed body language. I find that they are overly self-conscious and needd to simply get over themselves and be into other people.
I would get bored if I were out not interacting with people. I sit at home when I don't want to be bothered.
I noticed also another category of 'socialite.' The uber pretty people or successful - and purposefully doesn't loosen up to let folks into her social circle. Kinda like the mean girl/guy.
Posted by: K.I.M. | 12/14/2010 at 11:56 AM
Great perspective. My bro, sis and I are some of the best well adjusted adults in my extended family. Thinking about how we grew up - my mom 'forced,' us to participate in activities. Critical part of development
To your point - a lot of people don't have the benefit of being pushed as a child to be active, how to collaborate, be a follower sometimes (team sports or academics groups) etc - and we have all these half-broke people that have a good idea, but no idea on how to work with others to make the good idea a lucrative endeavor.
Everybody saying, "I just couldn't work for the man." Blank look like - you'd say that even if you were working for an all black company. The man is simply the person in the mirror that can't work with others.
Posted by: K.I.M. | 12/14/2010 at 12:04 PM
Hahahahaaaa! I am part mean girl. Less in the put folks down kinda way and more in the 'wait, now, I'ont know enough to insta-friend you' way. What I noticed is that, particularly in HS, my crew was so self-absorbed, we gave limited consideration to the people we didn't hang out with.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 12:04 PM
I would get bored if I were out not interacting with people. I sit at home when I don't want to be bothered.
This!
And I usually am the anti-mean girl. Lol. Some folks are actually surprised when I talk to them... My friends say I'm captain save-a-nerd... :)... Maybe because I am a weird combo of a socialite geek/nerd? Lol.
Posted by: L.P. | 12/14/2010 at 01:00 PM
I like meeting new people or potential friends. I like learning new things. I like destroying stereotypes and confirming them too ! LOL I love conversation, respectful debates, and raucous laughter. Which is always intensified with some adult beverages! LOL I think I am pretty versatile in social situations actually. I can tell a story but know when to fall back too. I have learned not to make too many assumptions about "shy" or "reserved" folks though. They are usually full of surprises, both male and female. The loudest is not always the smartest, but the quiet person may not be a genius either. In general though, dry bishes confuse me ? When you look like you would rather be somewhere else, I wonder why aren't you there ? I think its important to be social no matter your situation, married, dating, or otherwise. Its a small world and you never know when the impression you make today might make a difference next month.
Posted by: Beautifully Complex | 12/14/2010 at 01:04 PM
Hmmm. I'm very introverted to the point of shyness, but I have learned to bump myself up to reserved in social situations. If I don't know anybody, I always force myself to smile so people don't think I'm a "dry bish" (LOL!) and start up a converstaion w/ at least 3 friendly looking people. That usually works, and most of the time they will introduce me to the other folks they've met, or came in with.
In the rare situations where I just can't fake the funk, or feel like nobody present is my kind of people, I find the hostess & help her out until I can make a graceful exit.
Side note, I don't feel bad for dry bishes either. If you're going to sit on the sidelines & not participate, smile & respond when people speak! They're trying to do YOU a favor, sheesh.
Posted by: Brownbelle | 12/14/2010 at 01:15 PM
You know...I think I have an e-interest in you Ms. Smart. First you watch Mad Men (check!) AND Boardwalk Empire (check!!), I'm gonna have to look for you at Buddha Bar or Bar 7 on Friday(s)....
I bring the Riesling (laughs). No, but I like to play 'utility' gentleman. That is, I usually fulfill the role that has not been 'taken' by another man at the party. For example, there are sometimes the gregarious guys at the party, then I play mellow. When there is too many mellow guys, I open up the can of outward personality. It's provides a delicate balance for any outing.
I have an easy going personality, though, alot of women tell me I give off an 'intimidating' or 'serious' look...must be the suit (shrugs). I just like to ensure that everyone has a good time. Everyone, including those stuck up broads in the corner (laughs).
I like a wide range of subjects from the intellectual (csmonitor.com crowd) to fu*kery (waka flocka, drinking red berry ciroc on top of sofas at bar 7, etc.)
Bond.
Posted by: BlkBond | 12/14/2010 at 02:01 PM
I suppose I'm a touch guarded about myself when I meet new people, but still personable enough to chat it up with anyone. I am a natural hostess, so if I see the party host needs a spare set of hands or some help mixing up drinks, that's my value add.
As for dry bishes - they're nothing more than a party killjoy. If anything, I think the power of a smile can go a long way in making someone seem approachable.
Posted by: Miss Ali D | 12/14/2010 at 02:16 PM
Eh. I'm fine with making assumptions based on the facts present. Those were some dry bishes who should have stayed home or had a dry ass slumber party. :-)
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 02:20 PM
I think social skills are more important now than ever. Kids are growing up in situation where they don't have to navigate nearly as many face-to-face social situations. Kids who are used to maintaining relationships throw a serious of status updates, texts, and I'm convos will likely find it difficult to speak in public or pick up on social cuesm
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 02:23 PM
My Mad Men watching is really based on my appreciation for the style people has back then. But Boardwalk Empire has gotten me all in. I have never been to either of those spots because of the parking/valet situation. Yes, my choice of spots directly correlates to my need for parking or reasonably priced valet. :-)
When I'm not the hostess, I really don't care about other folks' good time. I care about my good time. Everyone else could be sitting stiff as boards and silent as a church mouse while I'm finding was to be completely entertained. And I'm not even self-conscious about it. I'm good with being the only person/couple on the dance floor too!
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 02:28 PM
Folks act like they are allergic to smiling! I'm not saying dry bishes need to look like a lobotomy candidate all the time, but relax those face muscles!
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 02:30 PM
Is "dry bish" going to be added to the TPS lexicon?
Posted by: SoJo | 12/14/2010 at 02:31 PM
If I remember to do it and have time when I get home, sure. Got some 'stuff' to do this evening so who knows.
Posted by: Ms. Smart | 12/14/2010 at 02:33 PM
I don't think I'm a dry bish (LOL at this term)
I'm shy. And guarded (BAD COMBO). However I am charming. I have a big smile and use it often. I prefer to be introduced to people by the host, but I would rather walk up to the most "fun-looking" small group and insert myself into their convo than sit there alone.
Then an hour later I go home and lie down cos people exhaust me, lol.
Posted by: naijamodel | 12/14/2010 at 02:33 PM
I don't know. I'm pretty shy and don't do well in situations where I don't know anyone. I'm more of a stand back and take it all in kinda person which leads people to constantly say, "girl. You be so quiet." But I will speak back if spoken to and carry on a conversation - because the writer in me is always looking for good short story prompts. Lol. I think I then surprise people because I'm funny and engaging. I do try to roll with people who are more social butterflies and live off their perks though.
Posted by: Rum Punch | 12/14/2010 at 05:07 PM
I think I can hold a good conversation. And crack a joke. And bring a nice dish. Eh, I'll clean up if I have to. But I do have a phobia of meeting new people. I think I am shy but people who have known me for a while would probably disagree. Going to a home where I only know the host? I'd probably stay in the kitchen the whole time. It's the phobia. Really I'm just scared of getting too comfortable and offending someone with my big mouf. Like saying 'I can't believe there are black women that have never heard of the play For Colored Girls...to a Black woman...who had never heard of For Colored girls....yeah that was my last offense.
Posted by: missmajestic | 12/14/2010 at 09:48 PM