Good As You Want To Be

I have a couple frociates who call upon me for my lady opinion. Last night one called with some really-really ridiculous shyt. Some little girl, cus I do believe she’s 12, is tryna run game on him. I’m offended. First, her game is so lower case ‘g’. Second, with it being so weak, I take it as an insult to his intellect…And by forced extension, an insult of my intelligence.

Why is it that when people lie, especially in relationships (committed or not) they don’t match their lies to their opponents experience and common sense?? Back when I was still having dealings with the Devil…I keep meaning to tell that story…Several of my friends saw him around with this one chick. Well, when I confronted him about it…Remember, I was younger and dumber than I am now. Cus y’all know a present day Ms. Smart would be like, “F*ck you and the horse you road in on!…He told me, get ready to laugh, “Those people aren’t your friends because they wouldn’t tell you stuff that might hurt you.”

Have you ever heard such utter lunacy?? Naw, go ahead and be stunned. That had to be the most stupid shyt I had, in my 21 years, ever heard. It was so stupid that I think I chuckled a bit. But then I got mad. Mad because he didn’t think I was smart enough to call bullshyt just that!! As you can probably tell, his piss-poor cover-up lies were a huge problem.

When I lie, IF I lie, which I rarely do, I’m pretty damned good at it but I choose to use my talents for good, not bad. I choose to use my talents to get out of speeding tickets.

But right now, I want to talk about one particular situation for which so many of the most half-assed lies are told. GOING OUT OF TOWN. Some of you are planning to go out of town right now. You’re telling someone you date a lie about where you’re going, who you’re going with, and/or how long you’ll be gone. Because I care, let me hip you to the two things I think gets people caught the most. Work and socializing. If you tell a significant other that your ass is gone out of town and will return on Monday, please let your co-workers know. Cus if someone calls your office, the work people are quick to say, “He stepped out for lunch.” And if you happen to be at work when you should be out of town, just don’t answer your work phone.

The second way people get caught is by not being able to stay their asses in the house or at unpopular places. If you are supposed to be up in NYC visiting your sick granny, nursing her through her third battle with breast cancer, how the hell are you sitting in plain view eating a steak down at Charlie Palmer’s?? Hello, there’s a new thing called camera phones. And if your significant other doesn’t see you, someone else will.

Maybe it is true that we’re only as smart as we have to be…As smart as the people we deal with. When it comes to lying, no matter how much you plan, you can never cover all of your bases. Especially if you’re lying to a smart person. The best you’re going to do is cover 96% of all the possibilities. Yes, I’ve done the research and math to get this percentage! But, if you must lie, always tell your best lie. Look at who you’re lying to. And if you think you ‘got it like that’ and don’t need to put some extra thought into your lie, then you probably do.

Comments

[Blame_Ted]

The "going out of town" lie is the most ridiculous lie to tell. Even without the stalkeristic ease of the Internet, getting caught in that lie is incredibly easy. Telling that story is just a litmus test of what the offender is able to get away with.

Everyone gets okey-doked a couple times; no shame in that. But for those falling for the out of town bit more than once needs a prescription to address the naiveté syndrome they suffer from

[Ms. Smart]

People still believe the player circumference exists! I used to think it was just in the Black community where we had 1.5 degrees of separation. Naw. My white friends will post some stuff to Craig's List and get answers just as quick as I would if I were to ask the BNN or Black twitter.
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[Blame_Ted]

So when you meet some new, where do turn first: the hbcu/Greek/professional Negro circle or Google/FB?

[Ms. Smart]

I first consider my own spidey senses. Then after two to three weeks, if we're still speaking I consider pulling a 'Carfax'--discreetly. Sometimes, they could still be around but I've 'heterociated' them so there's no need. 'Jason' for example, no need to do a check beyond Google. I was never going to date him but I did need to make sure he was who (and what) he said he was. Even with that, I factor in how they're acting towards me.

People will be free with a lot of insignificant details so it appears they aren't hiding anything. I pay attention to what folks don't say and the things they lie about. Those are usually more important than the things they are 'free' about.
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[Onefromphilly]

For real for real....folks need to just NOT LIE. Too much technology following your everymove, too many busybodies who can't wait to snitch. I don't care how good you think you are, or how tight you think your game is, YOU WILL GET CAUGHT. There are no two ways about it.