Think Pretty Smart

It's Nine O'Clock Somewhere

The people who follow me on 4square and/or instagram (a few because my account was locked and now it's open but I barely use it), you saw how I went to dinner super early on Saturday and forced myself to stya out until nine.  What you don't know is how this all started.  I don't know how we got here, but the SO and I are super boring with nothing left to do but move to Florida and watch our grandkids for two weeks in the summers.

Go Wu! It's Ya Birthday!

Today is Wu's birthday! 

*hits my celebratory Dougie*

Give Me My Profits

Yesterday we talked about NWA and how horrible they were.  And you know what?  Yesterday at work, some Biggie popped up.  It was then I realized that I can't do that kind of music anymore.  I was disgusted by it again.  And Biggie was something I should have been cool with because of the college memories I have to it.  Nope.  Hated it. 

Barbie and Bojangles

By now, we've all seen Peter and Cynthia get hitched.  I want talk about one specific storyline.  Remember when she said she needed $3000 for the bar?  First, I'm not ballin' or even medium pimping and I coulda spotted her the money for a daily fee (loan shark style).  Second, the minute she called her daddy and he said he couldn't give her the money, I tweeted that this 'marry the fiscally unprepared dude' phenom was probably a generational one.  Not ten minutes later, we find out her mom had to give her the money and that her mom had also hitched her train to fiscally unprepared men at least twice that she admitted. 

How Does This Work?

Y'all know I don't have my own kids but I have had access to them for most of my life.  Before I even get into the meat of this, I'll be honest and say I was potty trained by the time I was one.  Shocking?  Yeah.  My brother was done by the time he was 15 months.  All of the children raised by mother mother's generation were potty trained by two.  Now, let's skip up to my generation.  Two and three year old kids are messing themselves left and right.  Then we have THIS.

Responsible For Quality

My brother went to private school.  I did not.  He didn't spend his entire education in private schools but K-9, he was in private schools.  Our parents were very active in education--more so when the kids were in public schools.  They ensured we got an education.  

In Training

As I've stated a few times, I know a few men who are raising their daughters alone.  Two of them have girls who are in college and the other has one who's in 10th grade.  She goes to visit her mother for holidays and some summers.  The mother is married with another child.  The father and mom got together when he was in college.  One of the reasons he eventually took custody was because his daughter wasn't being raised the way he wanted--the way he was raised.  It's not that her mom was a poor mom but she was a bit more 'urban' than he approved of.  She is a nice person.  Though he always is sure to point out that he got with her his second year of college while she was a grocery store clerk from a single family home.  He wasn't smart enough to look for the traits he'd later find were important for the mother of his child to have.

The Point Of It All

One of the things I've noticed is that in 2010, I found myself doing more research in arguments discussions, that shooting from the hip, fact-less, and propelled by raw emotion.  I'm not sure exactly when I started to do this but I noticed it last year.  So today, we're going to talk from a facts standpoint.

Wife 101

Warning:  I am quite emotional cus I just watched the memorial.  Lawd.  Anyway, I was reading blogs and stumbled upon Kanisa's entry about some stuff she'd heard on NPR. 

 

I, modern woman, with three degrees (student loan debt and willing to sell a kidney to pay it off), am a firm proponent of bringing Home Economics back, under the heading of Life Skills, as a required course.  More than anything, it's needed now because we're a working with two or three generations who have not passed down these valuable skills down.  I clean, organise, and cook.  I go in my fridge, see what I have, and make some shyt.  It wasn't until I was 22 that I started using recipes.  Why?  Because I learned to cook by doing my homework in the kitchen while my mom was cooking.  I learned measure things from my grandmother.  She can accurately measure a cup, half cup, etc. in her hand.  So can I.  A lot of women people, don't have basic life skills. 

Two of the Four

Big ups to #THEGAME last night.  So I re-present to you this.

I know four men who had children prior to marriage.  Of those four, two of them would find out that the children weren't theirs.  One was told in a courtroom after he'd tried to make it work with the mother.  She yelled that the child he'd been raising for a couple of years wasn't his.  The other one, he found out when there was a medical situation.  I'm not sure the child even knows to this day. 

Cram Or Scam

The other day on the twitter, someone quoted someone else who said something about knowing if you want to marry after a year, or even six months.  (I'm too lazy to go digging to cite anyone.)  This doesn't necessarily mean you act on it.  The discussion was as heated as it could be in 140 characters or less.  One camp felt like you needed to know the person for at least four seasons to really learn who they are and how you are together as a couple. 

Pop By

I'm catching up on Mad Men.  Well more so starting it.  I've seen the first nine episodes.  There was one in which the young dude's new bride showed up at the office unexpectedly.  He nearly shyt bricks.  First, because he doesn't appear to really like her or his life.  Second because he's boning someone from the secretarial pool. 

Understanding Context

Remember when Oprah was anti-rap?  Well it seems that she's had a reversal of opinion--at least where Jay-Z is concerned.  I'm not sure how, but somehow Oprah got the message that rappers had been trying to get her to understands for decades:  If she understood the context from which they wrote, spoke, behaved, she'd see them as just more than misogynistic goons. 

Updated!!!---Crimson and Cream

I want to highlight some of the discussion going on in the comments and add some of the points I erased from the original post.

Welp, by now, most of y'all know yesterday was the 100th anniversary of a certain fraternity.  (Won't write the name because I'ont want them coming over here from the Google.)  I work with a lot of old head 'insert fraternity who had their anniversary today here'.  There were talks of getting together with line-brothers, line jacket sightings, and all sorts of inside jokes.  Some of those jokes were specific to the frat and others were open to anyone in the NPHC.  We're all sitting around snapping and joking hard. 

Bad Bait

It's as if people want to get usernames and passwords to be able to write entries for us over here in this little blog space.  Allow me to share with you two Bad Bait (BB) situations.  The first is between a married man (MM) and a single woman (SW) he only knows in passing.

Fishing In A Bathtub

NOTE:  To be clear, the post is not just about money.  It's about anything a woman has as a non-negotiable.  This can include him being God fearing, loving kids, etc.  Why would she go to a gambling establishment to meet a man who is so God fearing he'd never step foot in such a place?

The other day, I left the following comment over on The Savvy Dating Blog:

I might sound bad for saying this, but didn’t we all know he was broke from the word ‘teacher’? I don’t recall where you met him but I learned a very valuable lesson from one of my BFF’s who is a very successful ‘security seeker’. She only meets men in places where they had to have money to get it. This means no half-off happy hours. This means no parties that cost less than $100. This means volunteering at big ticket charity events. This also means not limiting herself to Black men. She may go to cheaper things to hang out with her friends. She may even meet men there. But she does not take them seriously for anything long-term. Her first husband has gotten her and their daughter accustomed to nice things.

Neighborhood Boo

At the end of Kanye's Blame Game, Chris Rock's part?  I forget that it's coming every single time I listen to that song.  But it speaks to a battle that is going on everywhere.  If you find eight men and two are successful, you'll find one who hates the regular neighborhood dudes. 

Dudes are convinced that once women get older, or if a woman is fine, she will not want a neighborhood dude.  He won't be good enough.  They can't be more wrong.  With the constant information that says most Black men aspire to be, are, and/or will continue to be the neighborhood cat, so called 'better' women are getting gotten by them on the reg'luh.  As much as the successful guy can take advantage of the numbers game, he will still eventually find himself wondering why the chick he wants is even giving the less successful, 'hood guy the time of day. 

G Recognize G

First of all, anyone watch Boardwalk Empire?  The fact that Chalky White strangled a man with his bare hands AND that his name is Chalky White is just...Second, I'm pretty sure clothes fit better back then.  Sure the styles were different but since most of them were home-made, I'm thinking I could do well in that era.  My freakishly short torso wouldn't stop me from being great so much!

Would You?

Shout out to Anna who eased her behind up in the comments and casually slipped in that she's had her babies--baby girls. Congrats, congrats, congrats!

Someone in your circle has been knowing John since high school.  About 7 years ago, they ended up living in the same city.  They'd hang out but never dated.  Your friend is married.  Her husband jokes about John having a crush on her.  You've known John in passing for about 4 years.  You probably have seen him 5-6 times over that period of time. In the first meeting, he seemed to make a pass at you.  But you didn't bite.  Recently, he reached out to ask you on a date. 

Stomp It Out

Yesterday I said there's nothing more effective than a man checking a man.  I wish I could say the same about women but we all know women will ignore the words of 50 successful women for the advice of an ineffective man.  Then Ames made a comment about bich ass men being able to thrive because of the women around them.  Soooo true.  And I think it will only get worse.

The Road To Fuggery

NOTE:  The original one that posted was an old draft! I edited it but apparently Typepad said,"Eff your edits." 

It seems as if every time I got a free moment to read blogs yesterday, I ran into fuggery.  Was it a full moon?  Naw.  But in all that fuggery, I was reminded of a very powerful tool:  Men.  A few weeks ago a male coworker took a tone with me.  I knew he was joking.  But someone else overheard and checked him on it.  I haven't heard that tone again since then.  Nobody had hard feelings but the dude with the tone understood that where Ms. Smart was concerned, even joking, that tone wasn't going to pass.

That mess that went down yesterday though?  Un-good.  And after reading it, going back that afternoon and it was still there, the question in my mind was:  Does he not have any male friends?  Did he only run this 'technique' past a bunch of women?  Did he run it past women who were tack-heads?  Cus surely if he'd run it across any decent man (or woman) in his life, they would have been like, "Bruh?  Bruh!  You for real?" I also couldn't help hearing my step-father's voice asking his favorite question, "Do I need to come down there?  Gimme dat nga's number."  <---He STAYS using that exact phrase.  It could be over car repairs, the rising price of bacon, or the temperature in my office. And yes, it has happened which is why I always tell his crazy ass NO.

See...

Nobody can check a man like a man.  Do y'all understand this? 

Responsibilities

Yesterday Ames was the first to mention how men try to get their first wife back after divorce. If this is true, I think it's only true to the extent that she was his first love. Barring that, men try to keep tabs on and get with their first love. And I think all of this cuts along age and 'quality of man' lines. 'Quality' as in how he sees his role in the family (head of household), not in whether or not he is a 'good' person. 

Chaperon

You have a 13 year old daughter in 8th grade.  She's popular.  Kids are always hanging around your house between the time she gets home from school and you get home from work.  The kids never go in.  You know this because your neighbors have told you as much. 

You're at home on a Sunday.  It's just above freezing.  Two of your daughter's friends come by.  They are both boys.  You recognize the name of one boy as her boyfriend because you've seen the text messages and email between the two of them.  You've also heard his name when she and her girlfriends get together. 

French Fries for Loaded Baked Potatoes

I was tellng my mother about a frienemy who stays in the streets talking bad about her marriage and her husband.  This only came up in the context of us talking about someone else.  Anyhow, my mother, ever one to have a good line said, "Oh she bought a small order of french fries and expected a loaded baked potatoe."

The woman who is in the streets talking is mad that the husband, whose proposal she accepted and wasn't pregnant when she accepted, doesn't make enough money for the lifestyle she believes she should have and that she's a mother.  She doesn't complain about the man's character though.  It's always about moeny and her not really wanting to rangle their kids (three).  Keep in mind, she's not the only woman I know who is in the streets doing this.  Keep in mind, she adopted one and had to take extra measures to have the twins.  She didn't have to be a mother nor did she have to accept her husband's proposal.

Struggling

Back in the day, remember people used to wear full denim outfits.  The only problem was that if you washed each item the same number of times, you'd end up with two pieces of denim that no longer matched.  But it gets to a point where they colors start to fade and basically remain consistent.  I'm starting to think this happens in relationships.  With time, people get washed with life.  If they aren't careful, if the don't have a belt or something to tie the top and bottom together, they end up not matching. 

Black Suit and a Cane Like My Own*

If you haven't seen Ty.ler P.err.y's latest Oprah episode or the two following episodes about molestation, you should.  Be sure to have tissues and a barf bag.  You may also want to have some soothing music at the ready when the episodes are done because your whole soul will be worked and murked. 

One interesting thing that was said was that, as a victim of molestation, you wonder if on some level you like it because your body betrays you.  It reacts favorably to the sexual stimulation.  And that got me to thinking and led the comment below that I left on Monica Mingo's blog the other day:

Self Preservation Is Segzy

Thank you for doing your homework.  I know this isn't a Societal Issues Friday Topic, but this is important to me.  With so many of our young men going to jail and an increase in the number of their SO's who are also going, we need to think of and implement some strategies.  When are we (the Black community), going to teach our girls that one of our inalienable rights is the right to ruin our OWN lives? If my shyt is going to be fugged up, I'd rather do it myself instead of allowing people in my life so that they can do it (through crime, poor treatment, etc.).

Prosti-Tots and The Dream

Last night's episode of Glee.  Why, oh why did the one Black chick have to be the one upset about interim Principal Sue removing tatter tots from the menu?  Why y'all why?  To be clear, that chick is not curvy, she's chubby or fat.  But hey, if that's her body and she loves it, well alright.  But why does the Black character have to be the one leading the 'We Want Out Tots' march on Washington?  And why did the bad chick in Gwyneth P's class who charged her have to be a big Black girl?  Quietly, I think that's the way a lot of white people see Black women. 

Show Up Then

Note:  I'm changing my publish time from midnight to something in the morning. You're welcome.

I did not read the book, see the play, or see the movie.  I won't use the title because I'ont want folks coming here looking to discuss the movie.  Instead, I'd like to discuss the uproar about the portrayal of Black men in the movie.  Please keep in mind that I am currently reading (when I go to the salon and am not busy running my mouth and tweeting), Eugene Robinson's Disintegration.  SoJo and Ted are supposed to be reading it too so we can have an e-book club.  Feel free to join up. 

SharP-uh

I have my clothes all laid out.  Black dress, stockings, shoes, purse, pearls.  The only thing I am still on the fence about is how I'll wear my hair.  But I do know I gots-ta be super-duper fly because I can do no less for me girl.  Plus, she would be the one with me talking bad about anyone looking raggedy.  Shoot!  I'm not gonna have her giving me the hard side-eye from Heaven.  Naw. 

As I was doing all that, I was reminded of this question and one of the answers I read recently on FB: