Think Pretty Smart

He Loves Me

"He loves me more than anyone else every has."

~A woman about her SO

A woman said this when asked about her guy.  And it struck me as odd because I am so used to hearing women talk about relationships using their own love for the other person as a gauge of how the relationship is going.  "I love him so much."  That, IMO, is rooted in our (women) being givers.  I'm not sure if this is a nature or nurture thing but it's real. 

This got me and the ladies to thinking.  On a basic level, women are meant to receive, then give.  You don't believe me?  Where does the man's penis go?  In the woman.  Even if she is providing oral favors, he is still in her.  And when she receives him in to her vagina, what happens?  She gives life. 

So I'm not so sure Rhianna's granny (and all the countless other older women), are on the wrong page when they say to find a man who loves you more.  I think, however, the backlash to that recommendation is rooted in the belief that we must FIRST give to receive.  It's rooted in the fear that we won't find a man who loves us more.  It's rooted in the fear that they don't exist.  It's rooted in the fear that if we wait for that, an elusive man as best we know, we will end up alone.

But is ALONE the worse thing that can happen?  As people get deeper into their marriages, I'm finding so much being alone is fine is the other option is to be with someone but still feel alone.  There are so many married people out here who are throwing themselves into kids, hobbies, and anything to get away from their spouse.  They aren't sharing a life with their best friend.  Instead, they are existing and waiting to tell their kids to do something different. 

The Knight In Shining Armor--Guest Blogger @Blame_Ted

Remember on other blogs I had where men would comment and never say things like, "If a hoe won't ___, I'll find one who will?"  Even if were true, they were classy enough to tactfully elude without coming off as jerks.  Days of old but good times.  Way back then is when I met Ted.  We've been causing 'incidents' since then.  Cool people, that Ted.  So the other day when he OFFERED to write a post, I trusted that he would 1) write it on time 2) write something good.  Cus ya know, he's fancy and smart.  Alas, I had too much trust.  But here, a day late, is his post about the KISA.

~Ms. Smart

If, as the movie Usual Suspects suggests, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist, then the greatest game a man ever ran was convincing the girl that he was running no game at all.

Enter the "nice" dude. The dude who would leave his TV in the middle of the Super Bowl to put together your IKEA curio cabinet. The dude who would leave his warm bed and 200 thread count sheets to give your car a jump in the Applebees parking lot at 11pm on a school night. He does all these sorts of things because you have some draws he wants. And then, once he's gotten them, he marvels that you'd have the audacity to ask him to shovel your driveway while the Lakers are playing.

May 5, 2011

Happy Cinco de Mayo.  If you are in the DC 'urea', I may (or may not be) at spots on 7th Street by the MCI center and A.ARP offices and/or on U Street.  If you see me, shout me out.  Translation:  Give me the knowing head nod and allow me to put my Diet Coke on your tab.  And if you ge drunk and have my a number for me, feel free to drunk dial.  (But don't really expect me to answer.)  Thoughts?

But I Met Mrs. Green

Lauren, my former co-worker, was such a sweet girl.  She'd been done really dirty by a dude and swore off men for a while.  She met a guy and he was great.  They dated for a few months.  She'd went to his home town, met his mother, and he'd taken her ring shopping.  He already had a hiking trip planned with his guy friends for Thanksgiving.  But they spent the Christmas holiday together with his mom.  All was well.

Fat Frog--A Cautionary Tale

I got some bad news yesterday.  My frociate's wife left him in February.  Moved out while he was at work.  No big discussion.  No shared planning.  Nothing.  He's a Diva Dude so you can imagine how shook he is even while he tries to pretend he's not.  He believes that she just got tired of being alone-.  Under the same roof, they lived completely separate lives--according to him. She'd tried to talk to him about it for years.  She even held off having kids waiting for him to 'calm down'.  What's worse is that it appears that she's dating someone and started accepting applications in January, before she moved out.  BODY BLOW.  And no, he really shouldn't be out in these streets telling folks this but I think he's in the trying-to-muddy-her-name phase of mourning.  It follows shock and embarrassment.

Boos Gone Wild

As you may or may not know, if I must go on group vacays, I only really like to go with my friends.  I can't have a bunch of stranger bishes all around me.  I know my friends and frociates.  I know if it goes down, they'll make sure I'm OK and vice-versa.  My SO would never even have to consider that when I go to Vegas with the girls or to the spa in AZ that I'm doing anything other than doing what I said I'm doing with who I said I would be with.  See, y'all think my middle name is Pretty but really it's Prettyworthyoftrust.

Circle Of Influence

Well the crazy momma train has pulled up and I cut the daggone power.  My little brother (the young-young one) has a girlfriend.  She's not my favorite person but he likes her and she's nice enough.  Well my brother did something super major nice for his girlfriend.  My mother called me livid.  You would have thought he bought this girl a house.  Anyhow, I let my mother finish and asked her what the big deal was.  She said she didn't want this girl to make a fool of my brother.  If ANYONE is being made a fool of, it's this girl who is still in the complete dark about the side chick's abortion.

The Point Of It All

One of the things I've noticed is that in 2010, I found myself doing more research in arguments discussions, that shooting from the hip, fact-less, and propelled by raw emotion.  I'm not sure exactly when I started to do this but I noticed it last year.  So today, we're going to talk from a facts standpoint.

French Fries for Loaded Baked Potatoes

I was tellng my mother about a frienemy who stays in the streets talking bad about her marriage and her husband.  This only came up in the context of us talking about someone else.  Anyhow, my mother, ever one to have a good line said, "Oh she bought a small order of french fries and expected a loaded baked potatoe."

The woman who is in the streets talking is mad that the husband, whose proposal she accepted and wasn't pregnant when she accepted, doesn't make enough money for the lifestyle she believes she should have and that she's a mother.  She doesn't complain about the man's character though.  It's always about moeny and her not really wanting to rangle their kids (three).  Keep in mind, she's not the only woman I know who is in the streets doing this.  Keep in mind, she adopted one and had to take extra measures to have the twins.  She didn't have to be a mother nor did she have to accept her husband's proposal.

25%

According to a commercial for one of the popular dating site, 25% of all marriages are happening between people who met on line.  I did it once but there wasn't anything blogworthy that came from it.  It was half-hearted and I stayed on joke time about the whole thing.  But I will say the two dudes I went out with and had a couple good dates with are married now.  It wasn't that long ago that they were on the site.  One married a woman who he grew up with.  Their families had been close since they were kids.  The other married a woman he met on the site.  Both of them were very clear that they were on the site to find wives.

I don't make it a habit to date 'strangers' though.  I haven't been in a relationship with someone who I didn't meet through a friend for at least the last 6 years.  This is not to say I don't meet men when I go out (to the Target, Homecoming, the CVS, the Chipotle, etc.).  But I hardly ever go out with them.  And if I do it because I find out they know a few people I know--even if I never mention it to them. 

Anyhow, I was thinking of how I'd meet my husband--assuming I haven't met him thus far.  I mean, it's possible I have because I meet people over and over and just forget.  Anyway, I've decided I'm gonna go ahead and meet him or re-meet him.  But before I do, I'd like to here from you guys.  Where have you met your spouse or current SO?  Do you think where you meet a person has anything to do with how the relationship progresses or doesn't progress?  Also, I'm interested to see if at least 25% of the respondents met your spouses or current SO online. 

Changing My Stance on Swingers

That's right!  You read the title right.  I have changed my position on swinger.  Some of you may remember when Ted forced a bunch of us to have dinner with a swinger.  (#IblameTed)  And at the time, I had so many questions.  Well earlier tonight I was at a party.  I had heard about one couple being swingers.  I was sitting back in the cut observing them and how they were behaving.  The woman was giving me the hard stink eye.  Her dude seemed to constantly be bordering on inappropriate.  Well, as the drinks flowed, I found out that a few of the people there were well versed in the ways of swinging.  And, get this, there's apparently a local sports league where a lot of the players swing. 

Thick Skin

"He is getting ideas above his station."

"Equally yoked."

"Our kind of people."

None of these ever sound all that great but dammit if, on occasion, one or all fit.  For example, the first one was used when I was telling my girl about something an ex recently did.  To offer context, she was making the point that he thought too highly of his place in my life.  This is the danger of over-estimation.  I'm not going to front, at the time, he was the apple of my eye.  But once removed from the situation, I'm like whatever.  But the man is still living back then in that moment.

His San Diego Wife

This just in:  I will be in the Chi soon.  So if anyone is there, send me an email (ThinkPrettySmart_AT_Gmail DOT com).

James and Angie have been dating a couple of months.  She lives in San Diego and James lives in LA.  They've gone out about eight times in total.  I consider this a major deal since they don't live in the same city.  But hey, I'm someone who isn't trying to date a person who is more than two area codes away.*

NJ Turnpike Man

 

Tenney, MN TO Phila, PA

Ed. Note:  Dr. J kinda wrote about this from another perspective.  Go read IT.

When you grow up in a small town or a close knit neighborhood, it's hard when you witness a crime, make mistakes, etc.  Nobody ever seems to forget.  Imagine you get into a life of questionable activities.  Make no mistake about it, you're no candidate for the president of the usher board down at Mount Saint Mariah Methodist Episcopalian Church of the Metropolitan Area Surrounding Our Lord of Christ, Jesus, and Martin Luthah d'Kang.  You're used to being around people like you.  You end up befriending someone 'regular'.  And right when you're almost ready to 'go straight', you wind up witnessing a crime in the small town or neighborhood.  They offer you a deal but you know you can't go back home.  Imagine you decide to testify and you had the opportunity to go into the Witness Protection Program.

Putting Together A Puzzle

I had a chuckle the other day.  I've mentioned Telly on here a good number of times.  And some of the blog readers are my friends on FB.  So I guess a couple of people have made some assumptions based on the pictures I have posted.  Telly and I are not in any of my pictures together.  Actually, he's not in any pics.  He doesn't even comment on my page.  There's one pic of me on his page but it's not tagged because I don't think it's my best picture.  So there!  Stop asking mutual friends if the dude in picture number #_ is him.

Home 4 Christmas

If you were dating someone for three years, would you be upset that you haven't spent any of the major holidays with them and haven't met theri family.  They go home at least a half dozen times a year.  Their family lives in driving distance.  The SO has kids that live in their hometown but visit.  The kids are with their ex spouse.  The kids have visited the town your SO lives in but you've never met them. 

Say Please

One night I was out with a suitor.  Because of how the restaurant was set up, we were both sitting on the same side of the table.  Across from him was a spare place setting.  There was a table of about twelve women at a table on his side.  The chick at the end of the table looked over at our table and grabbed the place setting.  She never said a word.  No please, thank you, of eff y'all.  I wasn't pleased.  I hate rude hoes.  It doesn't matter what happened next.  The point was that this chick didn't ask.  We would've gladly given her the spare setting.  But she didn't ask.  I could go on about the reasons why but that would be a waste of keystrokes.

Really?

I think some men get to the point where they just don't want to bother dating anymore.  I think these are the single men who spend ridiculous amounts of time with work or hobbies because they don't have anything or anyone to come home to.  I think most times, they look to the left, then to the right and marry the chick that comes along next.  It's usually the wrong chick but at least he has something to come home to.  

Theoretically, there's nothing wrong with this if they do their due diligence and make a thoughtful selection.  And I always thought the marriages would work out better when the man definitely wants to be married as opposed to feeling like they owe it to the woman they've been with.

Therefore, you can't tell me men who want to get married can't.  If they are smart, they determine their needs and find a woman who they believe will meet those needs.  Once they find her, they make it easy for her to like him.  How do I know?  I'm pretty sure I'm that 'chick' and I don't know exactly how I feel about it. 

So here's the story of Telly.  I met him through mutual friends.  He wasn't exactly someone I would normally date.  But dating the ones I'd normally date hadn't really gotten me very far.  So I decided to respond to his enthusiasm.  He was nice enough.  He was thoughtful, smart, etc. etc. etc.  Most of all, he made things easy.

On our third date we ended up running into some of Telly's friends.  There was a point in the evening where the three women were together and the guys were some place else.  One of the wives said her guy wasn't much to look at but he took great care of her and her kids from her previous marriage.  Then she got really serious.  She turned to me and asked if I wanted to get married.  Before I was able to answer she told me that Telly did want to get married and that if I didn't I might want to stop dating him. 

For those that know me in real life, you can imagine I was stunned.  Who the hell did she think she was telling me what I need to do.  I didn't show my ass but I tucked that into my mental roladex.  This hoe was one of those funny ones who knew what was best for everyone around her. 

So when he came out and said he wanted me to be his wife, I wasn't exactly shocked. 

My first inclination was to turn it into a joke and tell him I was free on Thursday and that we could go to VA and make it official.  Y'all do know there's no waiting period or blood tests in VA, right??  But I stopped short of making the joke. 

And what can a girl say after that??  Not much.  I knew it wasn't serious--more like an announcement of intent, possibly said to gauge my reaction.  But for the very first time, I thought it wasn't such a bad idea to marry someone based solely on shared beliefs because they were looking for a wife and I just happened to meet him at that time--especially if he just makes it all so easy. 

Just one day before he said this shyt made his intentions known, a friend and I joked about how it probably would be easy to get engaged and married in the next year if things kept being easy with Telly and the guy she's seeing.  That whole discussion was theoretical and tainted by the strong pour by a bartender named Jack.  I absolutely see how I could get got a man could be successful in getting a wife this way.  

Y'all know I'm not one of those chicks who says every dude she's known for a week is 'the one' so you don't have to worry about me getting married next Tuesday or any dumb shyt like that.  Plus, I've been looking for signs of crazy and I don't see any...yet.  But, it will be very interesting to see how this all plays out.  Won't it??

Crib Against the Wall

I never exactly got how homes started being called 'cribs'.  I see why, but I don't get the how.  What grown man would want his home to be compared to the crib helpless babies are caged in?  Didn't they attempt to explain this in the critically acclaimed Baby Boy?  Maybe it's because where a person lays their head is supposed to be where they feel safest and most comfortable.  And a man's home  is his castle.  Home ownership is also supposed to be the cornerstone of the American dream.  Right?

Now if that's the case, why will some men live 'anywhere'?  If I go to a man's house, I'm taking a long hard look at how he's living.  Now, admittedly, it takes a while to get me to go to a man's home.  And there have been times when I had to leave a man alone because his living situation wasn't up to snuff.  Look, I lived in the hood for a minute.  Why?  Cus I was cheap and lazy and my sofas are huge.  But even then, I took note of how a dude was living.  Why?  Cus my 'hood wasn't all that dangerous and because I kept a tidy ship!  Hell, I keep a tidy ship!!

I have friends who have said they refuse to go to their guy's house because he lives in the hood.  And I completely get that.  Safety is top priority.  If a man can live in conditions that don't meet my basic standards, it makes me wonder about him.  I mean we aren't in college anymore!  Is that wrong?

I've also had guys specifically tell me I couldn't come over because they hadn't cleaned up.  Was I pissed?  Nope.  Was I suspicious?  Nope.  And I've also helped clean up when it occurred to me that between the cleaning lady's visits, they weren't on top of their tidying up game.  Mind you, I did this while cursing them out with every squirt of Windex lovingly.  But on a first visit?  A second visit??  Naw.  Care enough to tidy up or invite me over 10 minutes after the maid has left. 

All that aside, I wonder how filthy men who think it's OK to live in unsafe environments behave in marriages.  If he's willing to live like that and see that his wife was willing to visit somewhere like that, would he might expect her to LIVE like that?  Or would she be expected to clean up the place for him to just mess it all up to be damned again? 

When you first go to someone's home, is that too much to ask expect they live in a safe, tidy environment?  How would y'all take it if someone y'all were dating stopped dating you once they came to your home?  Would you put two and two together?  Would you want them to tell you flat out??  If someone stopped dating you because you lived in 'mess' would you even care?  We're talking about people 28 and older.

I Found Out

I just found out that yet another of my friends is in a physically abusive marriage.  Someone who I know knew I didn't know felt it was his duty to say something. 

And I'm not surprised.  When she first met her husband, he had her on lock-down from a state away.  She had to check in with him at the same time every night and every morning.  She had to use her home phone--so he knew where she was.

Her circle of friends discussed it but dismissed it because we figured the relationship wouldn't last because of the distance.  We were wrong.  He asked her to move to his city.  She complied.  She didn't move in with him but she moved really close.  They were engaged in six months.  During that time, they'd visit the DC area.  Personality wise, her husband is a fun dude.  But I always felt like he had control issues.

These aren't control issues in the good way.  He's not looking out for her safety.  He's keeping obsessive tabs.  She seemed OK with it.  Her dating history was slim.  So we accepted that maybe this was an OK match because she had nothing to compare it to.  And she seemed so happy.

She bragged about introducing him to new places and new things.  He didn't drink wine, she scheduled trips to wineries.  He didn't have a bank account.  She took him to get one.  He had bad credit.  She helped him call all of his creditors to clean it up.

At the wedding, he showed his ass.  It was he first time I'd seen him touch her in an aggressive way.  We all saw it.  But nobody said anything. We talked amongst ourselves but came to the conclusion that if he were hitting her, she wouldn't be getting married.

*sigh*

Oh how'd I find out?  Her cousin who went to 'talk' to the dude.  Since that 'incident' she hasn't spoken to her cousin.  This all reminded me of how thankful I am to have a very large brother.  I'm thankful for my ignorant ass step-brother and cousins who aren't afraid to go to jail back to jail.

When I'm dating someone, I usually causally mention how my step-father is the smallest dude in the family.  I have pictures of my brother where it's obvious he's well over six feet tall and solid. I have pictures of my cousins, etc.  I don't brag on it or use them as threats.  But I damned sure let fools know they exist. I understand some men can Jedi mind trick a woman who does have back-up to keep his shenanigans a secret.  I, however, am not one of those women. 

Frankly, I don't think my girl's husband would have ever started hitting her had he known she had at least one grown ass man (her daddy is elderly) who'd ride on his ass.  I think women who don't have brothers and crazy cousins are at a disadvantage.  Men who want to act a plum-fool know they can do certain things without fear of any repercussions.  Some dudes need the fear of repercussions! 

Whatch'all think?  Does it matter if a man knows a woman has 'back up'?  Or will he whoop her ass anyway and wait for the rescue posse to come?

Make It Work

The reason I've never had a gov't job is because I hate those KSA's.  There's a suitable opportunity I should pursue but there 15 KSA's and the application is due Tuesday.  You see my problem?  When am I supposed to have time to do all that.  Sheesh.  It's as if they only want three qualified people to apply.  Yeah, that's exactly it.  Soooo, I guess I'll write something for the old blog.

Recently, I resigned myself to the fact that while The Patriot is all things 'man shyt' (Bruthacode, 2007), I just don't think he's that smart.  I'm not saying I expect him to be a rocket scientist.  But if I make mention of health care reform, I don't expect him to glaze over.  Ms. Pretty can't do intellectual maladroit. He's a solid dude.  His integrity is beyond reproach.  And according to my girl, we'd make very attractive children.  Yes, someone I know saw him and said that to me about him. 

I tried to dismiss his lack of intellect as him just being boring.  But upon closer inspection, I just don't think he's up on current events, has opinions, or even cares about anything outside of his job.  Even when I was around his friends, I noticed they didn't really talk about anything remotely intellectually stimulating.  In short, I was screaming in my head!!!

I just finished reading a very interesting novel.  One of the many things that stuck out for me was when an Indian man told a single American woman that in order for a marriage to work, both people have to be compatible intellectually, emotionally, and physically.  He was speaking about arranged marriages.  Why they work, according to the character in the book, is because the parents look at their kid's horoscopes (but not how we think of astrology) then make an assessment based on them, intellect, emotion, and hope the physical clicks when the kids meet.  The parents are able to look beyond all the bs and the butterflies and make logical matches.  Humh...Interesting.

I can do country.  I can do city.  I can do emotional.  I can do some level of stoic.  But I can't do 'duh'. 

Whatchu think?  Is the character right?  Once we get past the butterflies, the ability to spend the whole day together without catching yourself figuring out if you can go online, put some insurance on his ass and kill him arguing. Is it most important to be on the same page intellectually, emotionally, and physically?   

Come & Knock On My Door

Important Message:  Beloved is evil.  I shall call her Belevil (Beloved + Evil) for the next week.  By the time she reads this, she'll know why.

Y'all remember The Cool (TC)?  Well we don't date anymore.  And remember that we were introduced to each other by mutual friends (a married couple).  After the 'break-up' I told the wife what had been going down.  Now, I took it for granted that she told her husband.  Cool cus I didn't want to have to repeat the stories.  And I also took for granted that they would mention it to him.  But apparently, they did not. Now look, I'm not one of those people who thinks that everything I say in confidence doesn't get repeated.  As a matter of fact, I bank on it. I didn't say anything to the wife that I hadn't said to TC.  

I know they didn't tell him what I said because he's taken to calling me as if we never had that conversation.  Since our 'break up' civilized parting of ways, I have only dialed his number once.  And that was to get some discount care for a friend of mine.  He, on the other hand, has been 'keeping in touch'.  It's come up in discussion with my inner circle.  Some of them think his 'reaching out' means something has changed.  I call BULLSHYT and lemme tell you why.  His ass is calling me.  And?  Has he reversed his stance on the issues that caused me to wonder if he was an adult human?  Nope. 

Ladies fall for this brand of okeydoke all the damned time.  Maybe they don't fall, but choose to go along, being all hopeful and shyt!  Take the following for example:

*Disclaimer:  This is NOT why TC and I are no longer seeing each other.*

Woman wants to get married.  Man doesn't and tells her he doesn't.  They break up.  She swears she's never going to talk to him again unless he comes with a ring.  Yes, I know this is ridiculous but I guaran-damn-tee you that it's happening in relationships all over the Western world.  Two weeks later he calls.  They talk.  A week later, he calls and they go out.  Three days later, he calls, they go out, they have chex.  In her mind, this means he's changed him mind.  BUZZ!!!  No, it means he missed her but unless he verbalizes the change in his stance, he still doesn't want to get married.  Hell, in his mind, y'all might just be having 'fun'.

Can we talk about 'fun' for a minute?  Fellas, no woman over 28 who is worth her weight in eye cream, is just having 'fun'.  Telling a woman you thought y'all were having 'fun' is an insult.  

Anyhow, bottom line, if someone doesn't specifically reverse what they said before, no matter how they behave, just assume they stand by their original words. This doesn't just apply to men saying one thing but doing another.  Fellas, if a woman says she wants to get married and you tell her you don't, but she's still around, it's not that she's changed her mind.  She still wants to get married.  She sticks around because she's 1) disengaging from the relationship (most unlikely) 2) she's trying to figure out how she can change your mind (most likely) 3) she's trying to figure out how she can hurt you (i.e. having chex with your father, brother, or sister).  You can continue getting the 'dating' benefits but just know the whole marriage thing is going to come up.   

The message has two parts:  Verbal and Actions. 

Counting Cards

I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to write for my first entry.  Cus you know, that would set the tone.  Or maybe it won't.  Who knows. Admittedly, I took the lazy route and just finished something I'd started on another site. 

I'm not a big gambler.  Once when my friends were all back home together, we went over to Canada to the casino.  We probably spent a total of $30 and that was enough for us.  It just wasn't that exciting.  I've been to Vegas a few times but only once with friends.  The other times were always for work.  I didn't gamble those times either. 

If I ever did decided to gamble, I'd play cards and I'd count the hell out of them!!  Casinos would have you believe that counting cards is illegal.  It's not.  Counting cards is smart.  If you're going to play a game, isn't it best to try to win??  Simple logic.  Right?

So then, why when dating, people talk about not playing games?  Somewhere along the transition from old-school courting to this new hook-up based relationship system, someone was losing the courting game.  As a result, that someone, or those people, decided to campaign against the basic rules of courting. 

Dare I say the leaders of the 'no gaming' campaign were men.  See, men know that if women were to remove the emotion from dating and play it as if it were a game, forcing men to court, women would always win.  So what did men do??  They've convinced women that gaming and looking out for their best interest is somehow wrong. Meanwhile, women have also adopted this 'I don't play games' mantra as a weak attempt to appear evolved.  But gaming is really nothing more than paying attention.  It's nothing more that watching the cards as they are dealt and playing your hand accordingly.

When I hear a man say he doesn't play games, my immediate thought is that his game is one of passive disarming.  Remember the biggest trick the devil ever pulled was to get people to think he doesn't exist.  Same thing with dating.  It doesn't make sense to not have a strategy in dating. It doesn't make sense to not adjust said strategy as needed.  In every other area of life, people have plans upon plans upon plans, backed up by several contingency plans.  So why not do this in relationships?

Take the following exchange that I've heard several times from several people who have been knowing each other 17.3 seconds.

Man:  Yadda yadda yadda.

Woman:  I don't have chex until month three.

Man:  I hate when women play those games.  Why can't you just see how things flow?

Now, lemme tell you what the exchange really meant.

Man:  What's the one thing I can say to move this along?  There's a game on!  I wonder how long I have to pretend to be interested in what she's saying.

Woman:  I'd like to have chex with him but I don't wanna appear to be a dumb whore, again.  So lemme convince myself not to do it by saying out loud that I'm not going to do it.

Man:  No!  You can't have the expectation that I will stick around listening to your stupid stories for three months.  In that time, I might mess around and actually like you, as a person.  Get rid of those rules that don't get me to where I want to be as quickly as possible.  

This whole exchange is stupid for various reasons.  First, why do women announce their intentions in any form?  Would you walk into a casino, sit down, then announce to the dealer that you're about to count the hell out of the cards?  Second, no man needs to actually hear that a woman has a chex waiting period to know whether or not she has one.  Third, why the hell are they even talking about chex when they don't know anything about each other??  

Everything in life is a game.  Work.  School.  Family.  So why when it comes to dating, people women are supposed to just be easy-breezy?  Doesn't make much since to me.