Ladies and Gents,
Where have I been? I've been somewhere being too lazy to blog. And when one is too lazy to blog, there is but one thing to do: PODCAST!!! We've done four shows so far. And we even have a website (Whiskey, Wine, and Moonshine)! We're on Spreecast, Stictch and iTunes. That's right! You can subscribe to us and take us with you on car rides and listen at work (with headphones). Check us out!
I don't have kids. As a former kid and casual observer of parents, it seems to me that parents (those who were smart enough to think through having kids), should consider the world as it is (not as they want it to be), the child's birth order, and interests when raising them.
Why raise kids for the world we want to exist? Are we doing them a disservice? The lady in the first video asks these questions with emphasis on capitalism. She says, "Yes!" I can't say she is wrong thought.
Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you are in the DC 'urea', I may (or may not be) at spots on 7th Street by the MCI center and A.ARP offices and/or on U Street. If you see me, shout me out. Translation: Give me the knowing head nod and allow me to put my Diet Coke on your tab. And if you ge drunk and have my a number for me, feel free to drunk dial. (But don't really expect me to answer.) Thoughts?
At 1:39 PM yesterday, I got the following BBM:
"Ms. Smart is one of them chicks who don't fool with you if she can't call you when she is having car problems."
In my mind that's who I am but in reality, not always! It could be a parent, friend, or significant other--either way, finding out you have their names bedazzled on so many fugs and they don't even have a lost fug between couch cushions to give to you is the one of the most horrible feelings ever-evuh! I've gotten kind of used to these discoveries and that's why I hardly ever make new friends. But the comment about the car caused me to adjust how I deal with a couple people who are flinging fugs my way left and right! I digress...
As you may or may not know, if I must go on group vacays, I only really like to go with my friends. I can't have a bunch of stranger bishes all around me. I know my friends and frociates. I know if it goes down, they'll make sure I'm OK and vice-versa. My SO would never even have to consider that when I go to Vegas with the girls or to the spa in AZ that I'm doing anything other than doing what I said I'm doing with who I said I would be with. See, y'all think my middle name is Pretty but really it's Prettyworthyoftrust.
Well the crazy momma train has pulled up and I cut the daggone power. My little brother (the young-young one) has a girlfriend. She's not my favorite person but he likes her and she's nice enough. Well my brother did something super major nice for his girlfriend. My mother called me livid. You would have thought he bought this girl a house. Anyhow, I let my mother finish and asked her what the big deal was. She said she didn't want this girl to make a fool of my brother. If ANYONE is being made a fool of, it's this girl who is still in the complete dark about the side chick's abortion.
Yesterday we talked about NWA and how horrible they were. And you know what? Yesterday at work, some Biggie popped up. It was then I realized that I can't do that kind of music anymore. I was disgusted by it again. And Biggie was something I should have been cool with because of the college memories I have to it. Nope. Hated it.
According to a commercial for one of the popular dating site, 25% of all marriages are happening between people who met on line. I did it once but there wasn't anything blogworthy that came from it. It was half-hearted and I stayed on joke time about the whole thing. But I will say the two dudes I went out with and had a couple good dates with are married now. It wasn't that long ago that they were on the site. One married a woman who he grew up with. Their families had been close since they were kids. The other married a woman he met on the site. Both of them were very clear that they were on the site to find wives.
I don't make it a habit to date 'strangers' though. I haven't been in a relationship with someone who I didn't meet through a friend for at least the last 6 years. This is not to say I don't meet men when I go out (to the Target, Homecoming, the CVS, the Chipotle, etc.). But I hardly ever go out with them. And if I do it because I find out they know a few people I know--even if I never mention it to them.
Anyhow, I was thinking of how I'd meet my husband--assuming I haven't met him thus far. I mean, it's possible I have because I meet people over and over and just forget. Anyway, I've decided I'm gonna go ahead and meet him or re-meet him. But before I do, I'd like to here from you guys. Where have you met your spouse or current SO? Do you think where you meet a person has anything to do with how the relationship progresses or doesn't progress? Also, I'm interested to see if at least 25% of the respondents met your spouses or current SO online.
My LS went to Harvard for medical school. Whenever she was asked how it was, she said it was not too special because everyone there could do the work. Harvard was pretty selective on who they let in. So if you were accepted, odds were that you had the right stuff to be successful. Harvard is one of those places it's hard to get into but once you're in, according to my LS, you succeed. (But knowing other people who attend Harvard, I'm not so sure those cracks don't open wide every once in a while. :-) There are countless other institutions where entry is easy but it's the success that trips people up.
I had a chuckle the other day. I've mentioned Telly on here a good number of times. And some of the blog readers are my friends on FB. So I guess a couple of people have made some assumptions based on the pictures I have posted. Telly and I are not in any of my pictures together. Actually, he's not in any pics. He doesn't even comment on my page. There's one pic of me on his page but it's not tagged because I don't think it's my best picture. So there! Stop asking mutual friends if the dude in picture number #_ is him.
When I was little, my mom had three really good friends. They all had daughters and they all married very young. All of us girls went to the same ES school. As we moved, they moved, one died, she lost touch with them. But thanks to the internet and Facebook, we have reconnected with them and their kids. To say I turned out completely different than them would be a huge understatement. Some of you who I'm FB friends with may have seen some of their pictures. One of the chicks has her leg 'cocked all open' in her profile picture. Her aunt (who was raising her) and my mom were best friends but she died when we were in HS.
I'll admit up front that I haven't seen the inside of a church in more than a minute. Not too much a fan of the organized religion. Sure, I believe in God and maybe even Heaven and Hell. Even got my own Bible laying around the house. But I have so much trouble suspending all common sense and following someone else's interpretation of the Bible. To be honest, the Bible reads like a fairy tale to me. It's like, if all of humanity was destroyed except a small group, they could find a copy of the Bible and a Harry Potter book and not know which one is a religious text. But that's just me. Please refrain from trying to save my soul in the comments section. Simply pray for me in private. Thanks!
I think some men get to the point where they just don't want to bother dating anymore. I think these are the single men who spend ridiculous amounts of time with work or hobbies because they don't have anything or anyone to come home to. I think most times, they look to the left, then to the right and marry the chick that comes along next. It's usually the wrong chick but at least he has something to come home to.
Theoretically, there's nothing wrong with this if they do their due diligence and make a thoughtful selection. And I always thought the marriages would work out better when the man definitely wants to be married as opposed to feeling like they owe it to the woman they've been with.
Therefore, you can't tell me men who want to get married can't. If they are smart, they determine their needs and find a woman who they believe will meet those needs. Once they find her, they make it easy for her to like him. How do I know? I'm pretty sure I'm that 'chick' and I don't know exactly how I feel about it.
So here's the story of Telly. I met him through mutual friends. He wasn't exactly someone I would normally date. But dating the ones I'd normally date hadn't really gotten me very far. So I decided to respond to his enthusiasm. He was nice enough. He was thoughtful, smart, etc. etc. etc. Most of all, he made things easy.
On our third date we ended up running into some of Telly's friends. There was a point in the evening where the three women were together and the guys were some place else. One of the wives said her guy wasn't much to look at but he took great care of her and her kids from her previous marriage. Then she got really serious. She turned to me and asked if I wanted to get married. Before I was able to answer she told me that Telly did want to get married and that if I didn't I might want to stop dating him.
For those that know me in real life, you can imagine I was stunned. Who the hell did she think she was telling me what I need to do. I didn't show my ass but I tucked that into my mental roladex. This hoe was one of those funny ones who knew what was best for everyone around her.
So when he came out and said he wanted me to be his wife, I wasn't exactly shocked.
My first inclination was to turn it into a joke and tell him I was free on Thursday and that we could go to VA and make it official. Y'all do know there's no waiting period or blood tests in VA, right?? But I stopped short of making the joke.
And what can a girl say after that?? Not much. I knew it wasn't serious--more like an announcement of intent, possibly said to gauge my reaction. But for the very first time, I thought it wasn't such a bad idea to marry someone based solely on shared beliefs because they were looking for a wife and I just happened to meet him at that time--especially if he just makes it all so easy.
Just one day before he said this shyt made his intentions known, a friend and I joked about how it probably would be easy to get engaged and married in the next year if things kept being easy with Telly and the guy she's seeing. That whole discussion was theoretical and tainted by the strong pour by a bartender named Jack. I absolutely see how I could get got a man could be successful in getting a wife this way.
Y'all know I'm not one of those chicks who says every dude she's known for a week is 'the one' so you don't have to worry about me getting married next Tuesday or any dumb shyt like that. Plus, I've been looking for signs of crazy and I don't see any...yet. But, it will be very interesting to see how this all plays out. Won't it??
I just found out that yet another of my friends is in a physically abusive marriage. Someone who I know knew I didn't know felt it was his duty to say something.
And I'm not surprised. When she first met her husband, he had her on lock-down from a state away. She had to check in with him at the same time every night and every morning. She had to use her home phone--so he knew where she was.
Her circle of friends discussed it but dismissed it because we figured the relationship wouldn't last because of the distance. We were wrong. He asked her to move to his city. She complied. She didn't move in with him but she moved really close. They were engaged in six months. During that time, they'd visit the DC area. Personality wise, her husband is a fun dude. But I always felt like he had control issues.
These aren't control issues in the good way. He's not looking out for her safety. He's keeping obsessive tabs. She seemed OK with it. Her dating history was slim. So we accepted that maybe this was an OK match because she had nothing to compare it to. And she seemed so happy.
She bragged about introducing him to new places and new things. He didn't drink wine, she scheduled trips to wineries. He didn't have a bank account. She took him to get one. He had bad credit. She helped him call all of his creditors to clean it up.
At the wedding, he showed his ass. It was he first time I'd seen him touch her in an aggressive way. We all saw it. But nobody said anything. We talked amongst ourselves but came to the conclusion that if he were hitting her, she wouldn't be getting married.
*sigh*
Oh how'd I find out? Her cousin who went to 'talk' to the dude. Since that 'incident' she hasn't spoken to her cousin. This all reminded me of how thankful I am to have a very large brother. I'm thankful for my ignorant ass step-brother and cousins who aren't afraid to go to jail back to jail.
When I'm dating someone, I usually causally mention how my step-father is the smallest dude in the family. I have pictures of my brother where it's obvious he's well over six feet tall and solid. I have pictures of my cousins, etc. I don't brag on it or use them as threats. But I damned sure let fools know they exist. I understand some men can Jedi mind trick a woman who does have back-up to keep his shenanigans a secret. I, however, am not one of those women.
Frankly, I don't think my girl's husband would have ever started hitting her had he known she had at least one grown ass man (her daddy is elderly) who'd ride on his ass. I think women who don't have brothers and crazy cousins are at a disadvantage. Men who want to act a plum-fool know they can do certain things without fear of any repercussions. Some dudes need the fear of repercussions!
Whatch'all think? Does it matter if a man knows a woman has 'back up'? Or will he whoop her ass anyway and wait for the rescue posse to come?
Important Message: Beloved is evil. I shall call her Belevil (Beloved + Evil) for the next week. By the time she reads this, she'll know why.
Y'all remember The Cool (TC)? Well we don't date anymore. And remember that we were introduced to each other by mutual friends (a married couple). After the 'break-up' I told the wife what had been going down. Now, I took it for granted that she told her husband. Cool cus I didn't want to have to repeat the stories. And I also took for granted that they would mention it to him. But apparently, they did not. Now look, I'm not one of those people who thinks that everything I say in confidence doesn't get repeated. As a matter of fact, I bank on it. I didn't say anything to the wife that I hadn't said to TC.
I know they didn't tell him what I said because he's taken to calling me as if we never had that conversation. Since our 'break up' civilized parting of ways, I have only dialed his number once. And that was to get some discount care for a friend of mine. He, on the other hand, has been 'keeping in touch'. It's come up in discussion with my inner circle. Some of them think his 'reaching out' means something has changed. I call BULLSHYT and lemme tell you why. His ass is calling me. And? Has he reversed his stance on the issues that caused me to wonder if he was an adult human? Nope.
Ladies fall for this brand of okeydoke all the damned time. Maybe they don't fall, but choose to go along, being all hopeful and shyt! Take the following for example:
*Disclaimer: This is NOT why TC and I are no longer seeing each other.*
Woman wants to get married. Man doesn't and tells her he doesn't. They break up. She swears she's never going to talk to him again unless he comes with a ring. Yes, I know this is ridiculous but I guaran-damn-tee you that it's happening in relationships all over the Western world. Two weeks later he calls. They talk. A week later, he calls and they go out. Three days later, he calls, they go out, they have chex. In her mind, this means he's changed him mind. BUZZ!!! No, it means he missed her but unless he verbalizes the change in his stance, he still doesn't want to get married. Hell, in his mind, y'all might just be having 'fun'.
Can we talk about 'fun' for a minute? Fellas, no woman over 28 who is worth her weight in eye cream, is just having 'fun'. Telling a woman you thought y'all were having 'fun' is an insult.
Anyhow, bottom line, if someone doesn't specifically reverse what they said before, no matter how they behave, just assume they stand by their original words. This doesn't just apply to men saying one thing but doing another. Fellas, if a woman says she wants to get married and you tell her you don't, but she's still around, it's not that she's changed her mind. She still wants to get married. She sticks around because she's 1) disengaging from the relationship (most unlikely) 2) she's trying to figure out how she can change your mind (most likely) 3) she's trying to figure out how she can hurt you (i.e. having chex with your father, brother, or sister). You can continue getting the 'dating' benefits but just know the whole marriage thing is going to come up.
The message has two parts: Verbal and Actions.
For those of you have been reading me for years, thanks for following. For those who are new, welcome. Here are a few rules to make your stay (and commenting) a pleasant one.
Now, feel free to look around and get comfy.
P.S. Before anyone asks, this is all you're getting today. Monday, I'll actually write something. M'kay?
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