Your brother is jobless but has had the same girlfriend for years--all the while jobless. You aren't friends with her. Your brother and you are twins. For your birthday, his girlfriend pays for you, him, your spouse, and her to take a weekend trip to an exotic island. Do you go?
Note: This shyt really happens.
I don't have kids. As a former kid and casual observer of parents, it seems to me that parents (those who were smart enough to think through having kids), should consider the world as it is (not as they want it to be), the child's birth order, and interests when raising them.
Why raise kids for the world we want to exist? Are we doing them a disservice? The lady in the first video asks these questions with emphasis on capitalism. She says, "Yes!" I can't say she is wrong thought.
Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you are in the DC 'urea', I may (or may not be) at spots on 7th Street by the MCI center and A.ARP offices and/or on U Street. If you see me, shout me out. Translation: Give me the knowing head nod and allow me to put my Diet Coke on your tab. And if you ge drunk and have my a number for me, feel free to drunk dial. (But don't really expect me to answer.) Thoughts?
I got some bad news yesterday. My frociate's wife left him in February. Moved out while he was at work. No big discussion. No shared planning. Nothing. He's a Diva Dude so you can imagine how shook he is even while he tries to pretend he's not. He believes that she just got tired of being alone-. Under the same roof, they lived completely separate lives--according to him. She'd tried to talk to him about it for years. She even held off having kids waiting for him to 'calm down'. What's worse is that it appears that she's dating someone and started accepting applications in January, before she moved out. BODY BLOW. And no, he really shouldn't be out in these streets telling folks this but I think he's in the trying-to-muddy-her-name phase of mourning. It follows shock and embarrassment.
As you may or may not know, if I must go on group vacays, I only really like to go with my friends. I can't have a bunch of stranger bishes all around me. I know my friends and frociates. I know if it goes down, they'll make sure I'm OK and vice-versa. My SO would never even have to consider that when I go to Vegas with the girls or to the spa in AZ that I'm doing anything other than doing what I said I'm doing with who I said I would be with. See, y'all think my middle name is Pretty but really it's Prettyworthyoftrust.
The other night, I had a conversation with a married woman and a single (but in a relationship woman). Somehow, we ended up an analogy using mushrooms in spaghetti. Apparently, in order to make a marriage work, you have to consider things like whether your mate wants mushrooms. And if your mate doesn't want mushrooms, you may have to get used to a life without mushrooms. I get this. I really do. Sometimes it's just better to let the other person be happy.
Yesterday we talked about NWA and how horrible they were. And you know what? Yesterday at work, some Biggie popped up. It was then I realized that I can't do that kind of music anymore. I was disgusted by it again. And Biggie was something I should have been cool with because of the college memories I have to it. Nope. Hated it.
Warning: I am quite emotional cus I just watched the memorial. Lawd. Anyway, I was reading blogs and stumbled upon Kanisa's entry about some stuff she'd heard on NPR.
I, modern woman, with three degrees (student loan debt and willing to sell a kidney to pay it off), am a firm proponent of bringing Home Economics back, under the heading of Life Skills, as a required course. More than anything, it's needed now because we're a working with two or three generations who have not passed down these valuable skills down. I clean, organise, and cook. I go in my fridge, see what I have, and make some shyt. It wasn't until I was 22 that I started using recipes. Why? Because I learned to cook by doing my homework in the kitchen while my mom was cooking. I learned measure things from my grandmother. She can accurately measure a cup, half cup, etc. in her hand. So can I. A lot of women people, don't have basic life skills.
The other day on the twitter, someone quoted someone else who said something about knowing if you want to marry after a year, or even six months. (I'm too lazy to go digging to cite anyone.) This doesn't necessarily mean you act on it. The discussion was as heated as it could be in 140 characters or less. One camp felt like you needed to know the person for at least four seasons to really learn who they are and how you are together as a couple.
I want to highlight some of the discussion going on in the comments and add some of the points I erased from the original post.
Welp, by now, most of y'all know yesterday was the 100th anniversary of a certain fraternity. (Won't write the name because I'ont want them coming over here from the Google.) I work with a lot of old head 'insert fraternity who had their anniversary today here'. There were talks of getting together with line-brothers, line jacket sightings, and all sorts of inside jokes. Some of those jokes were specific to the frat and others were open to anyone in the NPHC. We're all sitting around snapping and joking hard.
I was tellng my mother about a frienemy who stays in the streets talking bad about her marriage and her husband. This only came up in the context of us talking about someone else. Anyhow, my mother, ever one to have a good line said, "Oh she bought a small order of french fries and expected a loaded baked potatoe."
The woman who is in the streets talking is mad that the husband, whose proposal she accepted and wasn't pregnant when she accepted, doesn't make enough money for the lifestyle she believes she should have and that she's a mother. She doesn't complain about the man's character though. It's always about moeny and her not really wanting to rangle their kids (three). Keep in mind, she's not the only woman I know who is in the streets doing this. Keep in mind, she adopted one and had to take extra measures to have the twins. She didn't have to be a mother nor did she have to accept her husband's proposal.
There's this lounge. The owner is a cool dude named Brian. The lounge is located in a decent, yet still up and coming neighborhood. They go to the lounge. It becomes a hang-out spot.
One day, Brian is approached by a local promoter. The guy wants to host an event at Brian's lounge. Brian agrees to allow the guy to host something on Monday nights as it's his slowest night.
The other night on The Colbert Report, John Waters asked if you'd rather your child be a drug dealer than a drug addict. Humh. Sit on that for a minute.
If your kid is an addict, they are doing horrible things to their bodies and will eventually end up stealing your flat screen. They are irresponsible. They are just a mess. Do addicts ever really get over the addiction? Or do they simply remove themselves from the temptation? The ripple affects are huge.
My LS went to Harvard for medical school. Whenever she was asked how it was, she said it was not too special because everyone there could do the work. Harvard was pretty selective on who they let in. So if you were accepted, odds were that you had the right stuff to be successful. Harvard is one of those places it's hard to get into but once you're in, according to my LS, you succeed. (But knowing other people who attend Harvard, I'm not so sure those cracks don't open wide every once in a while. :-) There are countless other institutions where entry is easy but it's the success that trips people up.
This just in: I will be in the Chi soon. So if anyone is there, send me an email (ThinkPrettySmart_AT_Gmail DOT com).
James and Angie have been dating a couple of months. She lives in San Diego and James lives in LA. They've gone out about eight times in total. I consider this a major deal since they don't live in the same city. But hey, I'm someone who isn't trying to date a person who is more than two area codes away.*
Do y'all know how rare it is to meet an African American over the age of 25 that is a triplet? Rare. I tend to meet interesting people with interesting, odd stories. I absolutely love a good story--especially an underdog story. Anyhow, so about the triplet, who we will call Trip--because he may or may not really be a triplet.
You and your SO have been together for about a year. You're thick as thieves. You recently got engaged. Like days ago and he announced it on FB by changing his status. You're at work and you get a direct call to your desk from a woman who says she's having a relationship with your new fiance.
Her name is 'Vickie'. She's in her 50's. Her father is dead but her mom's alive. They are very close. It doesn't matter how I know Vickie or any of the following information. When Vickie was a girl, her mom divorced her dad. According to Vickie, women in those days didn't say single long. It wasn't long before Vickie's mom was dating Willie. And it wasn't long after that where seven year old Vickie told her daddy that Willie had said something 'out of the way' to her. Vickie's daddy sprung into action, telling the mother what kind of man she was dealing with, threatening to take his kids, and yoking Willie up. The kids stayed. So did Willie.
Ed. Note: Dr. J kinda wrote about this from another perspective. Go read IT.
When you grow up in a small town or a close knit neighborhood, it's hard when you witness a crime, make mistakes, etc. Nobody ever seems to forget. Imagine you get into a life of questionable activities. Make no mistake about it, you're no candidate for the president of the usher board down at Mount Saint Mariah Methodist Episcopalian Church of the Metropolitan Area Surrounding Our Lord of Christ, Jesus, and Martin Luthah d'Kang. You're used to being around people like you. You end up befriending someone 'regular'. And right when you're almost ready to 'go straight', you wind up witnessing a crime in the small town or neighborhood. They offer you a deal but you know you can't go back home. Imagine you decide to testify and you had the opportunity to go into the Witness Protection Program.
I had a chuckle the other day. I've mentioned Telly on here a good number of times. And some of the blog readers are my friends on FB. So I guess a couple of people have made some assumptions based on the pictures I have posted. Telly and I are not in any of my pictures together. Actually, he's not in any pics. He doesn't even comment on my page. There's one pic of me on his page but it's not tagged because I don't think it's my best picture. So there! Stop asking mutual friends if the dude in picture number #_ is him.
I'll be brief...
This is a tuff job market as evidenced by the number of people I know who aren't working. People are doing all sorts of networking. Thanks to LinkedIn, Sally is associated with someone who has hiring authority for a position the spouse of a friend wants to get. Sally has made introductions through LinkedIn. The guy not only got an interview, but Sally heard from the hiring manager (who is also her personal friend) that they plan to extend an offer to Sally's friend's husband. What's the problem?
If you were dating someone for three years, would you be upset that you haven't spent any of the major holidays with them and haven't met theri family. They go home at least a half dozen times a year. Their family lives in driving distance. The SO has kids that live in their hometown but visit. The kids are with their ex spouse. The kids have visited the town your SO lives in but you've never met them.
Lemme tell y'all something. Even if you don't blog but are a regular commenter, don't go missing too many days. Even if we clown you, we, this blogging circle, will ask where the hell you are. Well, actually, if anyone in the circle is FB friends with you, they will check. This little blog circle has seen births, deaths, job losses, weddings, moving, etc. Yes we joke and clown but dammit, don't go missing and thing the e-muntiy won't be looking for you. M'kay? OK!!
One night I was out with a suitor. Because of how the restaurant was set up, we were both sitting on the same side of the table. Across from him was a spare place setting. There was a table of about twelve women at a table on his side. The chick at the end of the table looked over at our table and grabbed the place setting. She never said a word. No please, thank you, of eff y'all. I wasn't pleased. I hate rude hoes. It doesn't matter what happened next. The point was that this chick didn't ask. We would've gladly given her the spare setting. But she didn't ask. I could go on about the reasons why but that would be a waste of keystrokes.
I never exactly got how homes started being called 'cribs'. I see why, but I don't get the how. What grown man would want his home to be compared to the crib helpless babies are caged in? Didn't they attempt to explain this in the critically acclaimed Baby Boy? Maybe it's because where a person lays their head is supposed to be where they feel safest and most comfortable. And a man's home is his castle. Home ownership is also supposed to be the cornerstone of the American dream. Right?
Now if that's the case, why will some men live 'anywhere'? If I go to a man's house, I'm taking a long hard look at how he's living. Now, admittedly, it takes a while to get me to go to a man's home. And there have been times when I had to leave a man alone because his living situation wasn't up to snuff. Look, I lived in the hood for a minute. Why? Cus I was cheap and lazy and my sofas are huge. But even then, I took note of how a dude was living. Why? Cus my 'hood wasn't all that dangerous and because I kept a tidy ship! Hell, I keep a tidy ship!!
I have friends who have said they refuse to go to their guy's house because he lives in the hood. And I completely get that. Safety is top priority. If a man can live in conditions that don't meet my basic standards, it makes me wonder about him. I mean we aren't in college anymore! Is that wrong?
I've also had guys specifically tell me I couldn't come over because they hadn't cleaned up. Was I pissed? Nope. Was I suspicious? Nope. And I've also helped clean up when it occurred to me that between the cleaning lady's visits, they weren't on top of their tidying up game. Mind you, I did this while cursing them out with every squirt of Windex lovingly. But on a first visit? A second visit?? Naw. Care enough to tidy up or invite me over 10 minutes after the maid has left.
All that aside, I wonder how filthy men who think it's OK to live in unsafe environments behave in marriages. If he's willing to live like that and see that his wife was willing to visit somewhere like that, would he might expect her to LIVE like that? Or would she be expected to clean up the place for him to just mess it all up to be damned again?
When you first go to someone's home, is that too much to ask expect they live in a safe, tidy environment? How would y'all take it if someone y'all were dating stopped dating you once they came to your home? Would you put two and two together? Would you want them to tell you flat out?? If someone stopped dating you because you lived in 'mess' would you even care? We're talking about people 28 and older.
I just found out that yet another of my friends is in a physically abusive marriage. Someone who I know knew I didn't know felt it was his duty to say something.
And I'm not surprised. When she first met her husband, he had her on lock-down from a state away. She had to check in with him at the same time every night and every morning. She had to use her home phone--so he knew where she was.
Her circle of friends discussed it but dismissed it because we figured the relationship wouldn't last because of the distance. We were wrong. He asked her to move to his city. She complied. She didn't move in with him but she moved really close. They were engaged in six months. During that time, they'd visit the DC area. Personality wise, her husband is a fun dude. But I always felt like he had control issues.
These aren't control issues in the good way. He's not looking out for her safety. He's keeping obsessive tabs. She seemed OK with it. Her dating history was slim. So we accepted that maybe this was an OK match because she had nothing to compare it to. And she seemed so happy.
She bragged about introducing him to new places and new things. He didn't drink wine, she scheduled trips to wineries. He didn't have a bank account. She took him to get one. He had bad credit. She helped him call all of his creditors to clean it up.
At the wedding, he showed his ass. It was he first time I'd seen him touch her in an aggressive way. We all saw it. But nobody said anything. We talked amongst ourselves but came to the conclusion that if he were hitting her, she wouldn't be getting married.
*sigh*
Oh how'd I find out? Her cousin who went to 'talk' to the dude. Since that 'incident' she hasn't spoken to her cousin. This all reminded me of how thankful I am to have a very large brother. I'm thankful for my ignorant ass step-brother and cousins who aren't afraid to go to jail back to jail.
When I'm dating someone, I usually causally mention how my step-father is the smallest dude in the family. I have pictures of my brother where it's obvious he's well over six feet tall and solid. I have pictures of my cousins, etc. I don't brag on it or use them as threats. But I damned sure let fools know they exist. I understand some men can Jedi mind trick a woman who does have back-up to keep his shenanigans a secret. I, however, am not one of those women.
Frankly, I don't think my girl's husband would have ever started hitting her had he known she had at least one grown ass man (her daddy is elderly) who'd ride on his ass. I think women who don't have brothers and crazy cousins are at a disadvantage. Men who want to act a plum-fool know they can do certain things without fear of any repercussions. Some dudes need the fear of repercussions!
Whatch'all think? Does it matter if a man knows a woman has 'back up'? Or will he whoop her ass anyway and wait for the rescue posse to come?
The reason I've never had a gov't job is because I hate those KSA's. There's a suitable opportunity I should pursue but there 15 KSA's and the application is due Tuesday. You see my problem? When am I supposed to have time to do all that. Sheesh. It's as if they only want three qualified people to apply. Yeah, that's exactly it. Soooo, I guess I'll write something for the old blog.
Recently, I resigned myself to the fact that while The Patriot is all things 'man shyt' (Bruthacode, 2007), I just don't think he's that smart. I'm not saying I expect him to be a rocket scientist. But if I make mention of health care reform, I don't expect him to glaze over. Ms. Pretty can't do intellectual maladroit. He's a solid dude. His integrity is beyond reproach. And according to my girl, we'd make very attractive children. Yes, someone I know saw him and said that to me about him.
I tried to dismiss his lack of intellect as him just being boring. But upon closer inspection, I just don't think he's up on current events, has opinions, or even cares about anything outside of his job. Even when I was around his friends, I noticed they didn't really talk about anything remotely intellectually stimulating. In short, I was screaming in my head!!!
I just finished reading a very interesting novel. One of the many things that stuck out for me was when an Indian man told a single American woman that in order for a marriage to work, both people have to be compatible intellectually, emotionally, and physically. He was speaking about arranged marriages. Why they work, according to the character in the book, is because the parents look at their kid's horoscopes (but not how we think of astrology) then make an assessment based on them, intellect, emotion, and hope the physical clicks when the kids meet. The parents are able to look beyond all the bs and the butterflies and make logical matches. Humh...Interesting.
I can do country. I can do city. I can do emotional. I can do some level of stoic. But I can't do 'duh'.
Whatchu think? Is the character right? Once we get past the butterflies, the ability to spend the whole day together without catching yourself figuring out if you can go online, put some insurance on his ass and kill him arguing. Is it most important to be on the same page intellectually, emotionally, and physically?
Believe it or not, I think the welfare system has it's place. We hear about and see lots of people milking the system. What we rarely get exposed to are the people who get on and get off. The people who may have gone through an ugly divorce and needed a little help to get back on her feet. And for them, I'd like to keep the system but revamp it a bit. All those loopholes would have to close.
When this topic came up before, Trac mentioned deadbeat dads and how if they paid child support, many of the women wouldn't qualify. So we start with identifying them. But we can't assume that they are in a position to financially support their children. But once they are identified, they need to be dealt with. And if they don't pay, they should be jailed. My logic is that if they weren't supporting their child or in their lives before, them being in jail isn't really taking away anything from the child. And since they can have jobs in jail, their asses would be forced to work and provide financial support to their children. I might even say at a minimum, they need to make enough money to pay for childcare IF the mother works or goes to school. And yes, I know they pay criminals like $2 an hour. Not really my problem.
If the woman refuses to identify him or the father can't be found, do we kick her off?? Not if she just has one. Give her until the child enters school. After that, her benefits should decrease each year. Measures need to be put in place to let people know the government is not going to care for your multiple children. We always hear that women don't have the skills to get jobs that will allow them to provide for their children. This is true. A woman with a 10th grade education probably isn't going to get a job that supports her four kids. No excuses, everyone who gets a check needs a job. Some would work as early childcare providers. They'd be trained, certified and all that. Those in training would work in places that cared for the kids of other women who were in other programs.
Sounds simple huh?? But what about the mentality?? All I can say is that if we take away the possibility of a safety net, maybe people will get a clue. When young or unstable people get pregnant, if their choices do not include a financial safety net, I would hope fewer of them see having a baby as an option. Who knows. It's become so acceptable. Maybe if they see their parents struggling, and I don't mean being on welfare while the boyfriend lives in the house and they do alright with her welfare and his income. Keep in mind though, that struggle may cause even more stress and might lead to more instances of abuse, neglect, and abandonment.
I'm all for mandatory LIFE classes in every middle school continuing on into high school. It's not like kids are in school that long. Hell, maybe we need to keep their asses in school and just teach life lessons over the summer. They need to know the real cost of life (i.e. health insurance, rent/mortgage, transportation) and they need to learn the long-term consequences of the decisions they make. Hopefully, by the time those kids come into adulthood, they will be ready when the welfare system becomes an option only for a select few. And even then, it will have its limits. These LIFE classes won't stop kids from screwing and getting preggers but it will hopefully prepare them for real life.
I've heard people complain that being on welfare means people are all in their business. I'm one of those people who believe if I'm giving you money, I have a right to be all up and through your business. Your kids don't show up for school?? If you don't have a doctor's excuse, your check gets a deduction. If your children get good grades, you get a bonus. If they go to college and graduate, you get an extra year of training/education. If the welfare recipient doesn't stay enrolled in some program that will lead to gainful employment, kicked off. Their children can get breakfast and lunch and maybe dinner at school. food for the parents? Nerp.
Have I mentioned the mandatory birth control?? One shot every three months. Don't show up for the shot, your check doesn't show up. I don't even need to draw out a full paragraph. Forced birth control. Or maybe I should discuss this a bit more. I don't even see it as forced. It's just a condition of getting a check. Shot equals check.
All of this will be tracked electronically. And this means the creation of more jobs! Someone has to design the software, implement it, etc. Isn't this the TET? Don't we need more jobs?
Immigrants on the welfare sstem? Nope. If you are not a citizen, You get an application for citizenship and an identifying tax payer ID number. While your application is being reviewed and processes, you must be employed or have proof that you're actively seeking employment. If you don't want that so that you can pay taxes, you gets nothing but a trip back to where-ever-the-f*ck-istan. I'll extend that to say that their children can no longer go to our schools if they're not applying and approved for citizenship. Y'all do know that in many districts, a child doesn't need to have a social security number they can still enroll and receive a FREE public education. I know this is a fact for DC. I'm not sure that those funds being used to educate and support illegal aliens would be used to us regular citizens. Yet, we have our own people to help. If you don't take care of home, you can not take care of others.
So then, my system would go after deadbeat dads, train women to be childcare providers while others are taking classes to gain skills to find gainful employment. Women will get benefits until their kid goes to school. And by 'school' I mean early headstart. Two years! Kids will be taught life lessons. Birth control and no illegals on the dole indefinitely. Whatch'all think?
Over the Christmas holiday season, my mom and I went to my nana's house. On Christmas, one of my cousin's best friend, Allen was there. She and him have known each other since pre-school age. Allen is ghey. Now, we'd known Allen was ghey for years but had never met him. He's always at my nana's with my cousin (college student who lives there) but just never there when we visit. My mother was up in arms the whole ride there. She couldn't believe her mother would have such a person in her home, on Christmas, a religions holiday. And my mother hasn't been religious since, uh, doing the math, 1988. *sigh*
Allen was an absolute joy. After, my mother commented that he was so nice. Go ahead and roll your eyes. I told her, "Da hell you expect? Him to bring over a boyfriend and start dry humping on the damned table betwee the turkey and ham? Why would you think he would be anything but?" My mother is of the generation that believes all ghey men are flamboyant and all lesbians are butch and they are all out to trick kids into joining their gang. She buys into the notion that they shouldn't marry, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm way beyond discussing it with her. When it does come up, usually in her boasting of having found another over 50 person who shares her beliefs, I say, "Humh. You know how I deal with them and marriage? I plan on not marrying a woman. Guess that solves that huh?"
And don't get me started on her views about interracial dating--particularly for pretty Black women! I've long accepted that her views are what they are probably because her life has been so different from mine. And she has white friends. But she swears they agree that their sons and I should never marry. Mental Note: Go find the blondest, blue-eyes white man and marry him. STAT!! Further, she's so rigid in her belief that the next generation should automatically think the way our parents do. I don't even bother touching the debatable issues. Quietly, this is why I kinda don't want to go to my family reunion down in Crack-o-diaz, AL.
For as much as the media likes to highlight how white men are afraid of the change that is coming happening, a whole lot of Black folks are in the same position. I find that the over 75 set are pretty open. But that 50 to 74 set, they are on that bullshyt. There's no other way to say it. They are staying strangely loyal to their feelings about situations that don't exist anymore or are changing.
This change, people don't like it. They aren't in the full majority but there are enough of them to annoy the shyt out of me when I have to interact with them (family). I think this is why the Republicans are trying to strengthen their male white base with all this coded racist BS. (For more information on race based BS, turn on Fox News.) And Blacks, they're just sitting around blaming the white man for the rain. Actual quote: "All this damned rain is cus them white folks keep sending spaceships up." Jesus be a NASA pamphlet! Right about now, whites Blacks people need to accept change. Change is inevitable. The harder they fight, the more it's going to hurt.
I wonder if this is the case with Hispanics. To what extent are these changes affecting them? BTW, I recently realized I need some Hispanic friends. My damned rainbow isn't complete! If anyone has access to any, please send them my way. Just kidding, but not really. If I had Hispanic friends, I'd have so many things to ask them. I'd like to know how all the people who gladly lined up on the Republican side feel about the party after this whole Sotomayor 'situation'. I'd like to know if they are bothered by the Republicans deciding to decline their FOUR invitations to the NCLR conference with ONE letter from the RNC. Are the majority of the original supporters sitting around finding reasons to still stay on the Republican team? Are their any changes they are fighting? Language? Sharing culture?? This inquiring mind wants to know!
Whathc'all think? Am I the only one deeply annoyed, but too frustrated to debate, with old Blacks? Is the younger than 50 set 'too easy' on 'outsiders' because so many of us grew up without overt racism, have friends of all races, have ghey friends, etc?
OMG. Watchting Rachel Maddow. It's so funny to hear them talking about the C Street Band as 'The Family'. My ghey friends call being ghey (and I think ghey friendly) 'in the family'.
When I was little, I used to call one of my second cousins, Auntie. This was because she and my mom were really close. She had no kids of her own. If you were go to her house today, you'd probably find she has just as many pictures of me between birth and seven as my mom. Auntie was into photography. We'd spend hours in various locations, me posing, her shooting.
It was somewhere in my early years where she met Max. They dated hard. Max was from a prominent family in our city. But he was that special child. You know the one? He was much darker than his beige siblings and parents. His facial features were different too. But with all that, he was his mother's favorite. (Translation: He was an outside child. Rumor has it that his real father was a close family friend. But I ain't one to gossip.)
Auntie and Max never married but they did have a son. I was old enough when it happened that I remember hearing the discussions. Because they weren't married, there was much debate about what the child's last name would be. Max's family wanted the boy to carry their name but they didn't want it to be made public that Max had fathered a child out of wedlock. (In books where the family is mentioned, Max's name is missing. They erased him from their family history.) Auntie would never marry Max. He had a nasty drug habit and she'd long given up on getting and keeping him clean. (Yet, she crazily continued to date and have chex with him.) In the end, Auntie and Max hyphenated their son's name. My third cousin's last name is Happy-Well.
The Happy-Well name was a solution everyone could agree on. Now, my cousin is an adult. He only uses his father's last name. It was his choice. I really don't know when he dropped his mom's last name. It could have been when his father finally over-dosed. It could have been when his grandmother finally died. It could have been when he realized carrying that name would mean more than carrying his mom's name.
I don't plan on being a single mother--unless my husband dies. But I don't get how single women decide to only give the kids their last name, ignoring the father all together. I also never understood why men sign birth certificates when the mother refused to give the child their last name. To me, that's the initial 'fight' that sets the tone for how things will go for the next 18 years.
In discussions, majority of the women who said they wouldn't give the baby the father's last name said it was because as a household, these women wanted everyone to have the same name. But by saying this, these women are basically planning to never get married. If I have a kid and give them my last name, Smart, then marry a man who's last name is Friday, all three of us will have different last names. Then let's not mention if my husband and I have kids. Again, more last names.
I've had this discussion with women who have already had kids and given them their last name. They remark that the father wasn't worth a quarter so he didn't deserve for the kids to carry his last name. I don't think these women hear just how they sound. So basically, these women had unprotected chex with men they knew weren't worth a quarter?
I'm the last of the grandfather's line with the Smart name. My father changed his first and last name years ago so the kids he has from his second marriage don't have the Smart name. In real life, my last name is so much suckier than Smart. As a result, I would have no problem taking my husbands name or giving any child the father's last name. Though I think the most effective solution, when couples can't decide, is to give the child a hyphenated name them let them choose which one they want to go with later. But hey, I'm fair and I don't plan to be in a situation with a man who is so despicable that I won't give OUR child his last name.
Whatchu think? Should unmarried couples still give the baby the man's last name? Hyphenate? Or does the mother have the final say?
Recent Comments